WHMPC - The Chicken Guy

Lovelies...it's been a while. I know...you've anxiously been awaiting my latest dating infraction...so let's skip over the several-month, mid-life crisis whirlwind that was the Sugar Daddy and head straight on to....

The Chicken Guy

Back a few months ago I swore off of online dating. I removed my profile from good old Plenty of Fish and decided I was done. Time to focus the summer on me, rowing and trying to take better care of my lawn. That was an epic failure - but not as bad as the last few summers, I'll admit. But I left my profile on the barely trafficked website okcupid.com. Lo and behold, someone messages me. A few messages back and forth and he seems normal enough so we decided to meet.

Now, a few years back (yes, I've been single for THAT long now), a more mature singleton gave me an EBS that I wasn't ready for. She told me that, as someone who did not wish to breed my own spawns, I would probably have a hard time finding men who were in my situation because of my age and because most of them probably had been through their starter marriages too and already had one or two chicklets on the loose with their last names attached. The thing that stuck with me was that she told me that I may not want to date them because they had children but worse, I wouldn't want to date someone who didn't want to be with their children because that would be saying something about his character. Fair enough.

Chicken Guy has two kids. Young kids. And he was separated from his ex for only a mere 8 months after a 13 year divorce. One of the reasons he picked up on my profile is that I had indicated in a 'personality question' on the site that I didn't want to have kids with my next partner. (BTW, part of the reason I stayed on that site is it's basically like a trashy magazine with quizzes and stuff PLUS a dating area - totally entertains me.)

Okay, fair enough. So we went to a movie on our first date. Right away he was into being very...touchy. Arm around me, rubbing the back of my neck, blah blah blah - don't worry, it was PG, Big Brother. Honestly it didn't feel totally creeperish and he smelt not bad so meh, whatever.

Date #2 he met me at the rowing club and we went for a drive - again with the rubbing of the back of my neck which I finally asked him to stop because I just needed my driving space. One of the things I'd noted by that time in our interactions was that he conspicuously never mentioned his kids. Like ever. And he sees them regularly. While my other dating experiences with F&$%@#*% fathers hasn't been great nor have they gone on and on and on about their kids, they're at least part of a conversation SOMEWHERE. Like if I mention that I like broccoli, I may get a 'my kids love it too' kinda comment. So, I took this opportunity, while trapped in my car, to grill him. His rationale was that he wasn't looking for a mother for them (holy cliché line used by EVERY papa on a dating website) and that he was really looking for a partner to have a relationship with.

I figured date #3 couldn't hurt. We watched a movie at his house and again, some more details came out about his past - including that his children weren't planned. Dude, tell me how in your 30's you're still having 'accidents'. Sorry, in this day and age, anyone over the age of 20 should be educated enough to know to use contraceptives. And I could see ONE being an accident...but TWO? Now, that's just irresponsibility.

By date #4, I'd clearly figured out what the deal was with this guy. He had been happily married, made two poor judgment calls and became a father and then things changed with his wife. While he loved his kids, it was pretty evident that he didn't really want to have a large parenting role with them and he was looking for a replacement spouse that he could live his DINK (+child support) lifestyle with. While y'all know I ain't no breeder, this still didn't sit right with me. I didn't want to be the 'enabler' who stood by and let him be less engaged than I would think a good parent would want to be.

So I stopped calling him. I know...so mature...but we just let things die quietly in the night.

Oh, and his name? His work involves the poultry industry - hence, the Chicken Guy.

Oh Facebook humour, you crack me up

I know, I know - another 'see what I saw and thought I'd share with you' posts. But this is funny, swear! Especially when 'The Church' gets involved.

If Historical Events had Facebook Statuses...

*old man wheezing*

Either I'm classless, it's late and I'm beyond tired making this űber funny OR it really *is* comical...

E.E. Cummings may have just been a little perverted

I routinely read a blog called 'Living Flirtatiously'. It provides my sentimental heart with the right doses of butterfly commentary mixed with cynical dating realities to make me feel like I'm not alone in blundering my way through the dating world. Today's post by Maura was on poems for any stage of a romantic relationship. Of course I read them but one of the last ones that I read was the one by E.E. Cummings called I like my body when it is with your.

i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones, and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the, shocking fuzz
of your electric fur, and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh… And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

Um, it's kinda randy, non? I have to admit that just over 12 years ago I sat in a crowded auditorium writing my last English lit essay for a final exam in my mandatory-for-my-BA 1st year English lit class and I sat for a minute to gather my thoughts when I realized that this would be the last English exam I would ever have to right. I could have SUNG I felt so ELATED at the idea that I would never have to use the words protagonist, antagonist, foreshadowing, anticlimax or narrative again - note I didn't say 'climax' ;o) . Probably one of the reasons why I hate really stuffy book clubs. I like to enjoy the written word on a purely superficial level...is that so wrong of me?

Anyways, I decided to read these poems as I've recently found myself on 2 and soon to be 3 dates with a master's grad of English lit. I can't admit to never having read E.E. Cummings, can I? Well now I can...if only that it's something rather randy that I've read...I wonder if that would scandalize the English lit major....

It's been too, too long

Mes amis...it's been too long. I've not written for weeks and I've finally realized that it has taken it's mental tole on me. Yes, that's right, I've realized that writing is an outlet I NEED to pursue to keep my sanity.

So where should I start with the updates? While I'm sure that some of you have been cyberstalking me through Facebook...or my feed just comes up in your home page feed, much has happened.

Let's start with the fun stuff - DATING!

*insert crickets*

Okay, it hasn't been that bad but I've been pretty unmotivated to date much this summer. Really, where did I have the time though. Rowing (which I'll come back to) has taken more and more time and so has patio season so it just hasn't fit in...but I will fill you in on the Chicken Guy in my next post - he deserves his OWN posting.

I'm going to be moving on to some house repairs in a few weeks that will surely entertain. In the mean time, I'm not looking forward to doing it alone and have to admit that house stuff is the one thing that keeps me up at night AND makes me wish I wasn't single. But as a wise person (read: one date wonder) once told me, 'if it's worth having, it's worth taking care of' and they're right. I'm trying to stay in more and do just that - even if that starts with the basic of cleaning more.

Besides that, I'm also taking care of me bod more these days. Rowing is still ongoing and I'm thinking of making the jump to the master's program. That's 6 mornings a week at 5 am on the water for April-November. Oye. I'm thinking that I'll test my resilience to such a schedule by doing winter training with the master's this winter. That's again, early mornings at the uni although not 5 days a week. It'll cost me like $30 for the season because my gym membership is included as an employee benefit. Can I get a woot woot?!? Besides that, my Dr. gave me a stern look and scolding last time I was in to lose the twins (aka my buttocks). She then sent me to The Crazy Lady (aka my dietican) who cut me off of, of all things, BANANAS.

I nearly lost my shit in her office.

And the rationale? She wanted me to 'discover other fruit'. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!? I seriously had withdrawl every time I went into Farm Boy. But here's the kicker...I'm now eating cherries, plums, mangoes, oranges, grapes, and grapefruit regularly. *insert grumbling re. maybe she's right*

Anyhoot, there's been a slow weight loss but it's not really something I care all that much about, to be honest. I'm a healthy shape by not storing all my 'could stand to be lost' poundage near my organs and I'm active. The good thing about this is I'm eating even better which in turn will mean weight loss. Really though, it's making me appreciate home cooking and nutritious cooking. And eating out is taking on less of an appeal which means...you got it...more money on the house.

*le sigh*

Work...well...that's another blog post for another day.

Commuting to work? That's another RANT for another day.

Other ramblings...they're sure to come now that I'm back from my summer hiatus.

So, did you miss me?

Thank you Lego, for making the World Cup bearable

Everywhere I go these days, it seems all people are talking about is the World Cup. Babes in orange dresses, status updates, uniforms that are dirty, Canadians breaking hearts, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I find it kinda neat to drive around town and see flags hanging off of cars all over the place in our...well, conservative town...but frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about soccer.

However, if you get Lego involved then maybe, just maybe I'll wanna watch. J's to the E, this one's for you(s):

I try not to be judgemental

It seems that I took after my mother's physical genes of having what I like to refer to as 'I can spend the day working the land and then still kick your ass after' body shape so I tend not to judge people of...size. I myself struggle with my weight but am slowly accepting it for what it is...so long as I have a healthy lifestyle and don't turn slovenly, better to embrace it and work it, right.

So, when I came across this article, I was filled with...well rage:
Woman aims for 1000 pound weight goal

A 42-year-old mother, who weighs 601 pounds, has her sights set on the scale hitting four digits.

There are so many appalling things in this article but more than anything, what grosses me out the most is that this woman is a mother. Who puts their kids through that kinda torment and not just that, but leaves them without a healthy parent to care for them. Right here, right now, in singledom state, I owe it to myself to care for my body. But should I be in a relationship or take on a parenting role, I all of a sudden take on the added commitment of making sure I'm around to be there for the people I've committed to. Is it just me or is this UBER sick and twisted?