Shock breeds fear

One of the things I'm noticing more and more in my new gov't 9-5er, besides the fact that I sleep much better (and no, not at my desk) and haven't taken anything to or from work other than a lunch bag and a purse for...well, since I started, is that gov't is behind the times when it comes to embracing technology and communications. For some reason, more and more, I'm being asked by my manager and starting to be seen by the limited number of people who will talk to me...le outsider...as something of a social media guru.

*insert record scratch*

Ha WAH?

I'll admit. I know some stuff. I have a good network of solid comms folks that we feed off each other and regularly throw (mostly online) learning resources each other's way. And I can see the linkages for opportunities between traditional and social media and how we need to stand up and pay attention because it ain't goin' away.

Today, in my (used to be and should return to) weekly visit to Casa de Elliott, we got into a discussion of brand loyalty, social media and the changing way in which our comms jobs are headed...or not, as the case may be.

J then pulled up this video for me. Watch it. It's worth the time. Then watch the one after it and I'll continue ranting after that ;o)





And interestingly, when I took the How Millenial Are You? test and scored highest amongst my former work place colleagues at a whopping 91% (BTW, I took the test twice, over two months apart each time and scored the same score each time if you're looking for quality control). It's an interesting test to take. What it means though, in terms that some of you may find shocking can be reflected in the way I absorb technology/use. Here's an Albertasauras did you know list:

-I haven't watched a television show at the time it aired in longer than I can remember. All 3 shows that I watch I watch online within a week of them airing because I can't be bothered to have to be home for a prescribed time nor sit through commercials. If my tenant ever moves out, I will cancel cable and go solely to online viewing.

-I haven't watched a news program on TV since I lived in my apartment...almost 3 years ago.

-I read 6+ media monitoring reports daily for work...and I what I do has nothing directly related to what's in those reports.

-I visit more than 3 news organizations websites daily for specific news. It's never consistent which sites I visit (CNN, CBC, Globe and Mail, NY Times, BBC, etc.) because I search for my news by what I want to learn about that day based on trends on Twitter, Facebook, National Geographic, and conversations at work/with my peers.

-From March 17-April 16, I sent 777 text messages and received 914. I received 17 pictures and browsed the web 28 times. It was an average month.

-My phone is never off, is never without charge and is rarely more than 5 feet from me for longer than 30 minutes at a time. I sleep with it and more easily wake up to it's vibrating than to my alarm clock - regardless of if it's on radio or annoying beep.

-I used to listen to the radio (bubble gum pop station that shall remain nameless) on my drive to and from work. I can't even get 2 km from my house before I'm annoyed by commercials and switch to my iPod. Forget listening to any kind of news talk radio where again, the agenda is prescribed as to what I will listen to. CBC is programmed into my car preset stations simply to be able to say it is. I couldn't tell you what the frequency actually is because I've never listened to it. (Yes, I open myself up to ridicule by all you comms peeps.)

-My required equipment to leave the house used to be 'wallet, phone, keys'. It's now 'wallet, phone, keys, ipod, headset to be able to talk and drive'.

-I don't remember the last time I read a newspaper on purpose, much less bought one. Newspapers have a finite amount of information. The Internet does not. I want to be able to read something online and do more research instantly using my trusty Google search bar. And I do...all....the...time.

-I have 7 email accounts: 4 Gmail, 1 Hotmail, 1 Rogers, and 1 work account. I have an outdated MySpace account, Facebook account, Twitter account (that I use more to follow than to tweet) and a blog.

-I am on my laptop every night in bed before I go to sleep.I close the lid, put it on the floor beside my bed and turn off my light. The first thing I do each morning is open it up and log in.

-I am seriously considering selling my soul for an iPhone or an android phone. My current phone, just over a year old, isn't smart enough to surf the web as websites become more and more sophisticated to be browsed on hand held devices. Telus doesn't even sell my phone anymore.

-I read 30+ blogs weekly and 4 daily.

What does this all mean? Not much. But here's the thing. I'm not on top of all the new media and technology out there. I've got a good handle on things, but I'm not by any means savvy enough,
IMHO, for my job. But more than anything, the shock of seeing all those stats above in those videos and seeing how it relates to my life has turned into something else for me this evening. Fear. Fear of not becoming outdated.

And with that, I close the lid, put my laptop on the floor, turn off the lite and make sure my phone's on vibrate.

OC Transpo's cryptic

So OC Transpo replied this am. I'm sure that my email request was widely circulated around their offices today under a 'wtf?' headline. Here's what they sent back:

Thank you L for your e-mail.

We do have equipment and staff on-hand that complete the required tasks. Regrettably, due to restrictions and confidentiality issues, we are unable to provide further details.

Once again, we appreciate your interest and trust you understand our position.

Sincerely,

Linda
Customer Relations Officer
Transit Services, City of Ottawa

Oh, you know they think I'm crazy.

I like shiny things

After my little car accident back in January, I needed to take it in to get fixed. And, being the procrastinator I am, I figured now was as good a time as any to get my car repainted where I whacked it against the garage door (whoops) and where someone keyed it (asshole).

Although I gulped just a little when I got the quote - as in here's my paycheque for this pay period - I knew it had to be done. The car is leased after all, and I haven't decided if I'll buy it or not, so I do need to keep it in pretty good shape.

I got to pick it up this am and upon entering the parking lot of the body shop, there she sat, like a beautiful ruby against the white snow banks, shinier than the day I got her.

I went into the body shop and was talking with the manager and he gave me the low down on washing my car - all touchless wash and no waxing for 3 months. The convo went something like this:

Autoshop Manager: So, no brush washing or waxing for 90 days.
L: Which is like....
AM: (insert hard look over his glasses at me) 3 months
L: Right, which is like...what are we, February?
AM: Oh! I'd say by end of May you can wash it with a brush again.

I think this is where he finally got that I was trying to figure out what month 90 days from now would be, not that 90 days = 3 months, but this certainly didn't help my case for what came next out of my mouth...

AM: Yeah, the paint needs time to set. I know it sounds odd but it does.
L: Oh, like nail polish needs time to set before you do anything so you don't get scratches or marks in it?
AM: (insert furrowed brow) Ugh, yeah, I guess.

In my defence, I had yet to have my morning cuppa joe. I guess I channel the inner girly-girl in me when I haven't had enough caffeine.

House Hippo

A few weeks ago, Big Oil and I were out with A & C and we got onto the discussion of House Hippo and some crazy commercial Big Oil had seen so I thought I'd share. Also, I'm using it as a tutorial for a fellow blogger to learn how to embed a video. (I feel like that's so dirty for some reason.)

Well played, CCS, well played

I'm a bit of a nerd. I know you're all saying 'pfffft, noooooooo'. Yes, I admit it. I'm a nerd. I like nerdy things like why my eyes tear up or Darwin's birthday or the surveys sent to me because I'm part of National Geographic Base Camp.

This also means that I'm pretty in tune with my work laptop. (*cough* loser *cough*) It also means, that when it doesn't work perfectly well or I have trouble linking to the network from home to feed my workaholic anxieties at 3:00 am, I call the service desk for help. Not at 3:00 am, just the next am.

I recently discovered that I actually call more than most other users. Like, um, a lot more. As in I'm on a first name basis with all of the service desk guys and there's a lot of general ribbing going on whenever I call. But whatever, they love me.

Or so I thought until a few months ago, one of them joked with me that I was on the CCS blacklist. The list, apparently, tracks their frequent users and is helping the powers that be above the service desk support guys to see if a cost-recovery model is required. I panicked for about oh, 3-4 days until I had to call them again for help and they all had a very loud laugh at me as they yelled over their fort walls that I had believed that BS story.

Fast forward to today and the admin was testing our emergency notification system again. As well as text messages and emails, a pop-up message is supposed to take over your computer and force you to stop working. Well it didn't happen for me. Last time, it was because I was on my laptop and wasn't connected through some software to the system.

So I did what a diligent employee does who doesn't want to miss out on emergency notifications. I emailed the service desk to say, not sure who this should go to, I know it's a technical issue, so can you please pass this along. I had two follow up emails. One stated that a 'ticket' had been opened to address my concern. The other stated the following:

It was determined by Campus Safety that you were not deemed sufficiently essential enough to warrant the use of emergency broadcast systems.

Have a nice day

HA HA HA! Well played, CCS, well played.

Being a responsible adult = feeding neuroses and becoming a hypcondriac

About 6 months ago, St. Clair, Gback and JJ all got on my case about the fact that I'd never been to the eye doctor. 31 years and never been. But why? I've never had problems seeing? They're not like teeth that need cleaning? WTF?

I do have a tendency to get styes in my eyes (ha ha, that rhymes - shut up, I'm tired and stressed and little things seem to be amusing me). I figure though it's my punishment for being a lazy ass and not washing off eye makeup so I deserve it. But right before Xmas I had one in a really weird position so I figured I should probably go make sure it wasn't a tumour or anything. It wasn't. In fact, it went away and I didn't even think twice about it until the am of my appointment.

So I went in for my appointment and looked at things and had air shot into my eye and then had one of the most detailed descriptions of my body I've ever had. And you know, the science geek in me asked lots of questions. Here's what I learned:

-I have rock star vision in my right eye. My left, not so much. Together, rock star because my right eye compensates for my left. In fact, I can't even read the last two charts on the eye exam thingy with my left eye only. I guess at the letters based on the general shape.

-The reason my left eye sucks is because it has a stigmatism and it's smaller than my right eye. Yes, apparently eyes come in different sizes, just like boobs. So it doesn't process light in the same way as my right one does but my right one basically says 'das ok, buddy, I got'chur back on this one'.

-However, my right eye also suffers from a weaker optical nerve. What this means is in the long run, because it's workin' double time, it's going to get weaker quicker than it should and I'll need help seeing sooner. Also, it means that I can start to lose vision in that eye, especially peripheral vision. So I had to do a crazy test to test for peripheral vision lost. Problem was, my left eye showed issues, not my right so I have to go back for more tests in a few weeks when my eyes 'aren't tired'.

-I also have abnormally small tear drainage ducts. This means, when I cry, that the little holes in the corner of my eye don't drain my tears into my sinuses fast enough so they pour down my face as opposed to pouring out my nose. Did you know that that's why your nose runs when you cry? Me neither. But I digress. This has become a problem in recent years in the winter because I'm either having an allergic reaction to the mold in the snow or the dryer, colder environment so when my eyes try to lubricate themselves, they go a little overboard (I'll tell you why in a minute) and then the tears spill down my face. So much so, that a few of you have asked me why I'm crying when we're out and about in the winter time. Good news? So far they're not so small that I need surgery but they're at greater risk of clogging. Great. Fucking awesome.

-Also, the reason I create too many tears is because, now this I didn't know, your eyes have oil glands near your bottom lashes that produce an oil so your tears stick to your eyes better and lubricate them. Because some of my glands are clogged and also 'petite', I don't produce enough oil so when my eyes are trying to lubricate themselves, the tears aren't sticking and then my tear valves go into hyperdrive and tear and tear and tear and then my ducts can't drain them properly and then, literally, walking from my house to my car in the driveway can mean me 'crying' uncontrollably for over an hour and a half. I now have 'oily drops' to put in my eyes when they tear like that. Seems counter-intuitive but fuck, what do I know? Not much about eyes, apparently.

So next week I go back for another peripheral vision test. Awesome. And more lectures on the fact that I need to take my makeup off at night before bed. And stern lectures on not to put eye liner on the rim of my bottom eyelid because that could clog my oil glands as well. I gave her one of these looks (see left) and said 'ugh, and it's TACK-Y!' She chuckled and said 'well, I didn't want to say it but, yeah, it is'. I think health care professionals like my bluntness some days, especially when I'm the first client of the day as I usually tend to be.

And that's the story of my eyes. Riveting, isn't it?

A giant, plush....*whoops*

I came to a harsh, teary-eyed realization this am: my beloved feline friend, Spencer, will not always be with me.

While lying in bed this am with her snuggling oh so close to me for warmth, I took a few minutes to have a harsh reflection on her behaviour over the last few months and have started to see that she really is aging now. I've had a stool by the bed for her for the last 4 years but moving to the house made a huge difference in her as she was now forced to navigate 3 floors to get from snuggles in bed to food to litter box. She was a new cat.

But she's started to turn white around the muzzle. She's losing quite a bit of body mass. She moves much slower. She's much more needy. She snuggles up very close for body heat and readjusts when I roll over at night where she used to hiss, meow in complaint and move on for the rest of the night. She also grunts and groans and sleeps very soundly (probably a by-product of hearing starting to go). And she snores. LOUDLY. All things that are showing her age - a whopping 16 this past November 7th.

So today I decided to buy her a cat bed or two where she could curl up and have lots of padding. Like old people, the more padding around her tired bones these days, the better. Seems my lap's workin' out JUST fine for her ( ;o) ) but it's not always open for business. I went and got a traditional cat bed that is large enough for both cats to curl up in and then a second cat sack for her to curl up in.

She seems rather leery of it and just now, I realized why...it looks like a giant, plush condom. See what I mean? In the words of Gback 'Oye Vey'.

Hot damn, Google, you know how to do me right

On a further note to the stuff that really amuses me, Google's at it again with their Search Stories videos on Youtube. This one is the best:



If you liked that, you'll enjoy, but probably won't like as much:

Potholes

Highschool

Parisian Love

Mad to Live

Newbie

This *is* really neat

Ah, Facebook feed. How I love you so. You expose me to so many neat things and let me give shouts out to the peeps I love - like LFR for this beaute:

Boom De Ya Da

Hot damn, I'm a geek because I fell in love with this commercial today...

WHMPC - Based on our personality tests

The online dating phenom has some weird things. I can add you to my 'favourites' list and you can add me to yours. All it does is tell you how long ago we last spoke. And can be used as a passive aggressive way of saying, 'hey, I dig you'. Yeah, I know, you're wondering with verbage like that how I can possibly still be single, right?

Well, now, there are these NEW features in the site. If you go to message someone or reply to a message that they have sent you, things you filled in in your personality tests while getting an account will show up. So, it'll tell me that both Joe Blow and I don't think that religion is very important. Or we both like to travel.

The best one I've seen was for a guy whose user profile name was Slightly Unbalanced. Yeah, he was done for before I even opened that message. This was the dating website's assessment of him:

Based on our personality tests we stronlgy believe Slightly Unbalanced is not a player.

I nose....

I'd insert the tapping of my nose with my finger but well, it hurts, I don't wanna touch it.

So yesterday at rowing, I caught a crab. It's not a nice thing to catch a crab and this was probably the most violent crab I've ever seen anyone catch. It flattened me on my back and left me breathless with panic. The oar almost hit the woman behind me. And I jokingly said, 'that almost broke my nose'. It was violent enough that the woman in front of me patted me on the back and asked me if I was okay. And she's NOT the mothering type.

Fast forward about 5 hours and my face started to ache. A lot. By the time I left starbucks and got home, I thought 'geeze, you look like crap' because I looked really tired. And then I got up close to the mirror and realized that those weren't bags under my eyes but in fact, bruising.

I sat with some ice on my face and took some aspirin and thought I was feeling better.

And I was...until this pm.

My face, regardless of the tylenol Gback gave me, is throbbing. I'm seriously considering waiting a long time at the walk in clinic by my house to get it checked out. Could you imagine if I'd broken it?

For those that don't know, this is what it means to catch a crab while rowing:



But that was a pretty tame crab - this is more like the one I caught...



There was no slow mo trying to hold on to it (because sometimes you can do it and it's a 'leisurely' recline you have to do to avoid getting hit) but this was fast and hard, like that second video. Ironically, I was sitting in the same position in the boat as he was. Hmmmm....

This is also a good video so you can see how violent it can be:



But this one, takes the cake - at least this didn't happen to me:




I swear, rowing will be the death of me...

WTF is that

Now, I've pretty much established through the help of GBack that I live in a bubble. Its not uncommon for me to get old news from him and it being brand spankin' new info. One of the things that I didn't know about was apparently that OCCrapo Transpo has bought double decker buses. On the way home from work the other night I saw one and was completely bowled over. So I did what I do - I D&S (drove and snapped):

WHMPC - Wikipedia Guy

Cue music....



A couple weekends ago, I decided to do a stay-weekend and just was a shut in in my house doing things that needed doing - like lazily watching tv and napping. ;o)

As is the case, I inevitably needed some human contact mid-Saturday pm so I got online and checked out a few profiles on everyone's favourite dating website. I hadn't been on in weeks - I was just too busy and not really in the mood for the 'first date' dance/courtship rituals so I'd avoided the site. But, being true to the needs of you dear readers, perhaps it was time to add to the WHMPC category once again.

Wikipedia Guy (or wiki wiki for Gback) messaged me Saturday pm. His message was kinda quirky and short (like him) and so I messaged him back. This resulted in a flurry of emails for days which eventually lead to msn, texting and, believe it or not, an actual phone conversation. By that point we'd made plans to go out on the Sunday of the long weekend and I was looking forward to the date.

It's no surprise to you all that I have a geeky side. Yes, I know, I try not to expose you to it but sometimes it creeps through. But this guy, no matter how geeky the conversation turned (from geography to tractors to weather!) he was able to keep up and continue the conversation without dropping a beat. In fact, in one email, he sent me the link to a Wikipedia article (hence Wikipedia Guy). When I told this to some colleagues, the open mouthed shock at perhaps the match made in online dating heaven was a little bit too creepy.

So Sunday came and when we finally got together, he was as interesting and comfortable to converse with in person as he had been through any other medium. We went and saw some buskers on Sparks Street and then the sound and light show on Parliament Hill. He took me home after and I waited for what I hoped would be a good night kiss in my driveway.

And what did I get?

Nuthin'.

Now I'm not sayin' that I want every first date to end in some kind of physical contact - that would just be GROSS! But, you know, I thought things had gone well and he'd already suggested getting together once he'd gotten back from his trip to Vegas the following weekend.

The following day, when I didn't have a text or email from him, I wrote him off. Yup, not interested. I gotcha. It's all good, I understand. No hard feelings.

And then he texted to say he had a good time and it was a good idea. We then texted throughout the day and chatted on MSN that night. Okay, maybe I'd been quick to react.

Throughout the rest of the week, before he left on his trip, we texted, emailed and chatted on MSN. We made plans for a get together of ice cream and sight seeing the following week when he returned from Vegas. He then went off to Vegas and I didn't hear from him.

Fast forward a few days to the next Monday, the day he's due home from Vegas. I get a text from him in the am all chatty chatty while he's waiting during the layover between flights. And then he's off on his flight and I am busy at work and with softball and I don't hear from him the rest of the day. I text him after my softball game that night to firm up plans for the next day. He doesn't answer my texts. In fact he sends me a text the next day saying he's off to Montreal for work for a few days. No apology for cancelling, no reschedule but still with the texts and emails. But they're starting to wane.

So I figure, one last chance. I'd like to see him and I can wait around for him to make plans or just take life by the balls and try and make plans. He either agrees or he doesn't - at least I'll know.

I fire off a text to him suggesting getting together that weekend if he has time. No response. In fact, no other texts from him. I then get a friendly email from him (we'd also had an ongoing email exchange - yes, I know...soooo much technology!!!) on other random stuff and commenting on how he forgot his blackberry charger. Um, can I say, BULLSHIT? But I reply with a friendly email, no suggestion of getting together, nada. Becasue at this point, it's time to move on.

I guess we were both on the same page. I've since not heard from him. And GBack lost the bet that I would - he owes me breakfast! WOOT WOOT!

So, maybe something good DID come out of it.... :o)

And, dear readers, as is the motto of Albertasauras...

On
to
the
next...

Call me

Okay, gremlins aside, I love my phone. And I love Telus. Yes, I admit it. Telus wins me over time and again with all their cute marketing. From the piggies to the iguanas to the meerkats to the frogs. I love them all.

But don't you think this guy needs to be the next Telus mascot?

He's a sea slug. Seriously...UBER cute.

Hey, think if I suggest him someone will give me free service for a year?


Yeah, I thought not too. Maybe I'd get a free calendar. 2009 calendar too - HA!

This kicks the Darwin fish's....

...ass HANDS DOWN!

(or should I say the Jebus fish?)




















(inside voice: I am SUCH a geek. *le sigh*)

Shout out to Mandy-YO-Sullivan and my SIL for this faboo image. Really, I think what's even better is the message that came with the email:

L,

Took a going to hell anyway photo for you, why not put the nail in the coffin....

SIL

Gettin' janky with it

Seems these days that I spend a lot of time updating my work website during the hum drum of Mon-Fri, 8:30-4:30. I don't mind but I'm not a patient person, as I've come to realize in my old age, so when I can't remember how to do something, I inevitably end up pushing buttons here and there and everywhere hoping that whatever I'm trying to do finds a way of magically doing it. I'm also using a fairly (new to me) content management system software that the 'E'mployer purchased a while back. The cool thing about it is that the techies can update some of the instructions to be specific to our org. 'Das cool. I give 'em credit for that.

Apparently, they're also on the cheeky side these days like the physicists and meteorologists:

Ahhhh, my neuroses

I helped a colleague with an email today via MSN. We finally got Messenger installed so we're not (unprofessionally) yelling at each other across our cubes. I thought I'd share the convo as it is quintessential L at her prime.

mar says:

How much do I owe you?

L says:

for?

mar says:

writing my e-mail messages?

L says:

at my hourly rate, I think that's about a $3 email

which is scary when you think about it

considering the crap I do sometimes when the uni pays me so much

mar says:

but think of all those union dues you have to pay

L says:

so really...

$3 to the client is charged (that's you)

$0.12 to the union

$0.95 to the government for taxes

$0.20 to pension plan

$0.03 to parking

$0.14 to benefits

take home pay?

$1.56

pathetic

Speaking of 'stuck' in my head

I'm sorry, something about this really cracks me up. Think there will be a paper on the palatability of various agents?















*snicker snicker*

Stupid song stuck in my head

Picture it. Saturday morning, early 1980's and I'm sitting watching cartoons. Somewhere, in the deep recesses of my mind, this song gets stuck for all eternity to make a come back, this morning, in my little pea-sized brain as I'm getting ready for work. And yet dollars to donuts, I can't remember your phone number. Any of you. Nor your birthdays and anniversaries. Don't get angry, just have pity. Because I am far from perfection.