Oh Facebook humour, you crack me up

I know, I know - another 'see what I saw and thought I'd share with you' posts. But this is funny, swear! Especially when 'The Church' gets involved.

If Historical Events had Facebook Statuses...

*old man wheezing*

Either I'm classless, it's late and I'm beyond tired making this űber funny OR it really *is* comical...

Thank you Lego, for making the World Cup bearable

Everywhere I go these days, it seems all people are talking about is the World Cup. Babes in orange dresses, status updates, uniforms that are dirty, Canadians breaking hearts, blah blah blah. Don't get me wrong, I find it kinda neat to drive around town and see flags hanging off of cars all over the place in our...well, conservative town...but frankly, I don't give a rat's ass about soccer.

However, if you get Lego involved then maybe, just maybe I'll wanna watch. J's to the E, this one's for you(s):

More cube farm head shaking

Two work thoughts: You know you're in an older work environment when you go to get paper towel from the kitchen and the magnet on the dispenser is for how to recognize the signs of a stroke. Also, it's quite entertaining when you write your own 'welcome to the team' message and then you don't get copied on it when it's sent out to your new colleagues only to discover this when they show up at your door to 'welcome' you....

This woman kills me

Seriously, I get where she's coming from

Confession

The guy in the cube beside me is a bit of a nincompoop. He's just, flaky. And chatty. He knocked on my doorway to my fabric box today and proceeded to tell me about his day and all the trials and tribulations of getting something approved blah blah blah blah blah. I've learned that the extent of my engaging only has to include me shaking my head and closing my eyes. Occasionally I mutter 'wow, another culture shock moment'. And I do this because...

I have no FUCKING clue what he's talking about.

OC Transpo's cryptic

So OC Transpo replied this am. I'm sure that my email request was widely circulated around their offices today under a 'wtf?' headline. Here's what they sent back:

Thank you L for your e-mail.

We do have equipment and staff on-hand that complete the required tasks. Regrettably, due to restrictions and confidentiality issues, we are unable to provide further details.

Once again, we appreciate your interest and trust you understand our position.

Sincerely,

Linda
Customer Relations Officer
Transit Services, City of Ottawa

Oh, you know they think I'm crazy.

Oc Transpo Debate

So Gback and I are working late tonight and out of nowhere, he throws out this random question:

'I wonder how OC Transpo sorts the change and bills it collects.'

Being the geek I am, I hypothesized as to how it is done. His response was along the lines of the fact that it was a rhetorical question and that if I didn't actually know, I shouldn't answer. So, being the stubborn bitch know-it-all bitch that I am, I thought I'd solve the mystery once and for all.

A few minutes later I read the following to him:

Dear OC Transpo,

My colleague and I were wondering something and hoped you could put an argument to rest. We'd like to know how OC Transpo sorts the change and the tickets/bills when it's all removed from the bus. Is there a machine that lets the coins fall through leaving the bills on top? If so, then who sorts the bills from the tickets or other paper? Or do you employ someone who just dumps it all out on a conference room table and sorts it all into piles - hopefully wearing gloves. Or perhaps the sorting occurs right on the bus?

Any assistance you could provide in resolving this debate would be appreciated.

Thank you.

I'll let you know if they respond...

I was drunk

I once read a stat that made it's way into conversation at the office the other day. I think I might be a little loopy for having said it. I had had a crazy morning of running late, spilling coffee on myself, being late for two meetings because I got my start times wrong...just a mess overall. The conversation started with me recounting all of these and ended with:

'And it all started even before I got here. I was running late so I had to eat my breakfast in the car and did you know that when you eat while driving that's the equivalent of having had 6 drinks because of how distracted you are? So basically, I drove to work drunk.'

Shocked and bewildered stare was what I got in response.

MUST. LEARN. TO. SHUT. MY. MOUTH. SOONER.

Happy St. Patty's Day

And this is why the average American should NOT be interviewed for TV.



'I wanna kno where da gol at'

One of those weeks

It's been a long week. I've been slammed by so many people on so many issues of which very few are in my control or my pay range. And it just keeps coming.

After responding to one blasting email this afternoon with a lengthy and detailed rebuttal, I realized it took me 2 HOURS to write the email. Once I breathed deeply a few times and mentally gave myself a pep talk, I hit 'send'. I then turned to Gback and said...

'I'm going for a drink'

It was 3:30. I meant to say, 'I'm going for a coffee.'

There were quite a few chuckles but it summarizes well the week I've had.

One more day...

The things we say

So I have friends who like to document what their kids say because it's either just so darned cute or because they can't believe some of the things that come out of their mouths. I've shared some of my 'phews finer moments with you but I got to thinking, after a few Facebook status updates that perhaps I should share with you my favourite quotes of the day, said by whomever, so you could just laugh with me...or, as the case may be, shake your head with me - kinda like an overheard in L's life. So, without further adieu, some of my favs as of late.

After an evening playing the Princess of Finland, the $1.50 dollar store tiara was affectionately stroked:

'I love this tiara. And it's not even tacky.'

After discussing the use of paper versus online thesauruses and the fact that you end up singing the alphabet to remember that m comes before q:

'That's why I use an online thesaurus. Then I don't need to know the alphabet.'

During a meeting where tasks were being overly assigned to one person (ie. me):

'I only have one L'

There will be more to come, I'm certain...

I like shiny things

After my little car accident back in January, I needed to take it in to get fixed. And, being the procrastinator I am, I figured now was as good a time as any to get my car repainted where I whacked it against the garage door (whoops) and where someone keyed it (asshole).

Although I gulped just a little when I got the quote - as in here's my paycheque for this pay period - I knew it had to be done. The car is leased after all, and I haven't decided if I'll buy it or not, so I do need to keep it in pretty good shape.

I got to pick it up this am and upon entering the parking lot of the body shop, there she sat, like a beautiful ruby against the white snow banks, shinier than the day I got her.

I went into the body shop and was talking with the manager and he gave me the low down on washing my car - all touchless wash and no waxing for 3 months. The convo went something like this:

Autoshop Manager: So, no brush washing or waxing for 90 days.
L: Which is like....
AM: (insert hard look over his glasses at me) 3 months
L: Right, which is like...what are we, February?
AM: Oh! I'd say by end of May you can wash it with a brush again.

I think this is where he finally got that I was trying to figure out what month 90 days from now would be, not that 90 days = 3 months, but this certainly didn't help my case for what came next out of my mouth...

AM: Yeah, the paint needs time to set. I know it sounds odd but it does.
L: Oh, like nail polish needs time to set before you do anything so you don't get scratches or marks in it?
AM: (insert furrowed brow) Ugh, yeah, I guess.

In my defence, I had yet to have my morning cuppa joe. I guess I channel the inner girly-girl in me when I haven't had enough caffeine.

Even Little Miss Naughty blushes

For Xmas, Gback gave me a new key chain he had bought while en route to Africa. Apparently I was the first that came to mind in Heathrow when he saw it with this on it:

Alright, I admit, it's not completely uncharacteristic of me (save for the purpleness of it) so I put my keys on it and called it a day. Sure, it makes me chuckle when I see it every day but well, isn't that part of its charm?

Today I had to go in for an oil change and to get my car looked at after my accident. The dealership called to let me know that the guy who does the estimates would actually not be available and that I could still come in for the oil change. When I hung up the phone, I mentioned to GBack that I would have to give them my keys on the ring. We had a giggle and then I didn't think much about it after that.

Fast forward a few hours and I arrived at the dealership and got to chatting with the guy who I had rebooked my appointment with. It was quite friendly and then as I handed over my keys, I know I must have blushed but neither of us said anything. However, upon me getting my keys back, and in front of the cashier no less, this same service manager decided to give me a little lecture on the weight of my keys.

Yes, the weight of my keys. Apparently, over time (like a decade), additional weight puts pressure on the ignition and then you can be driving along and BAM, your car stops working. Scary stuff. I think I must have looked like someone just shot me because he reassured me that it was something that takes years to happen. He pointed out that it's mostly the 'A' cube letter that weighs the most but when it's just that, the keys and Little Miss Naughty, you KNOW he looked at all of the items on that key ring.

I have to go back on Monday.

I'm still/already blushing.

Prepping for memory lane

I just posted about my upcoming trip home for my highschool reunion. Couldn't go home to a sweeter song. This one's for the TBay peeps...

Kids say the darndest things

I'm at the fam's tonight baby-sittin' the 'phews. We watched Mighty Machines and specifically, the 'Making Waves' edition which looked at all kinds of boats. When the container ship came open, the blonde twin called for me to come see from the kitchen where I was putting dinner in the oven. The conversation went something like this:

BT: Aunt L, see, look at all those trailers and the cranes lifting them off. There's 1,2,3,4 cranes.
AL: Wow, that's a lot.
BT: Yeah, you know what's in those containers?
AL: No, what?
BT: TVs.
AL: TVs?
BT: Yeah.
(Inside voice: hmmm, okay, I can work with this - because that's how I roll)
AL: You know what else is in those containers?
BT: What?
AL: Couches.
BT: Yeah?
AL: Yup. And chairs. And...(inside voice: shit, as if there's nothing else in this living room that works for this example)
BT: (excitedly) And TOYS?!?!?
AL: Yup. Toys, too.
BT: And liquor?
AL: WHAT?!?!
BT: Liquor.
AL: Liquor?!? (inside voice: what the FUCK has my brother been teaching you? And everyone worries about ME being the bad influence)
BT: (insert 'wtf is wrong with you - don't you understand English?' tone) Yeah.
AL: Yup (inside voice: just roll with it. Don't make a big deal, just let it go and find out what the hell your brother has been teaching them.)

Upon their arrival home, my brother reminded me that the new Trailer Park Boys movie (Countdown to Liquor) is now out on DVD which triggers me to remember to tell them about this exchange in a 'speaking of liquor' kinda way. Big Bro then ponders out loud where they would have picked that word up considering he hardly uses it. After a few seconds, he realizes that he mentioned the name of the movie with the kids in the van last night. And apparently, the kids see the containers on the ship as being the same kinda TRAILERS that are on the back of semis. I guess of the movie title those words, trailer and liquor, were the only ones that were understood and have now been inexplicably linked in someone's mind.

Awesome.

Bad Romance (aka Bad Drag)

Some background music for this post...


Getting my am coffee today, I saw a poster for the campus GLBTQ pride week and beside that, a poster for a drag show at the campus bar.

'Scuse me? A drag show where I work? Well now that's interesting.

But do you think I could find anyone to go with me last minute? Of COURSE I could. My trusty 'date' CBeau.

It's rare that I feel like a minority in my life. But walking into the campus bar, I soon realized, besides perhaps the bar staff, that CBeau and I might just be the only two heterosexual people in the bar. And even more ironic, considering we went and left together, it could very well appear like we were actually on a date.

The show was a riot. Isis (pictured below) performed up a storm to Bad Romance and Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend. Even better (s)he posed for a pic for CBeau for my blog. (S)he was followed by 6 more queens and kings (there were some ladies dressed as men in there too - thanks Wikipedia for schooling me on proper cross dressing terminology) all hoping to be named, you guessed it, king and queen of pride week. We saw Bollywood 'dancers', men who passably looked like women (and ironically enough, a lot like my tenant), booty shaking, really bad barefoot grinding up against the mic stand, stilettos in size 12, and LOTS of dancing by the crowd. All I have to say is, I now know why the women of Sex and the City would go to gay clubs to dance. That and I can't wait for 80's night on Valentine's Day. I'm gonna be shakin' my money maker to Manic Monday while y'all are being 'romantic'. That's after my greedy 10 date afternoon. ;o)


Anyways, all this to say, it was a good Friday night of hoopla and shenanigans.

House Hippo

A few weeks ago, Big Oil and I were out with A & C and we got onto the discussion of House Hippo and some crazy commercial Big Oil had seen so I thought I'd share. Also, I'm using it as a tutorial for a fellow blogger to learn how to embed a video. (I feel like that's so dirty for some reason.)

I'm sorry - but I'm not admitting to having done it

Author's note: I didn't realize I hadn't published this back in June but seriously, just read this. I havent' changed any of the info in it so this is as real as a post as it gets.

W. T. F?

The Centre for Conflict Education and Research: Advanced Practice Workshop

Ontario has recently enacted The Apology Act 2009 to permit apologies to occur in certain circumstances without the apology constituting an admission that creates liability for the apologizing party.

This one-day course is intended to give participants an opportunity to reflect on the structure of an effective apology and to analyze its essential elements. Students will develop an understanding of Ontario’s Apology Act and its impact upon giving apologies in different contexts. Participants will examine how to facilitate the creation of effective apologies in a variety of contexts where parties are engaged in conflict.

Location: Carleton University
Date: Friday, June 26
Time: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Cost: $362.25 early bird if you register by June 5, and $393.75 after June 5.

For information and to register, please visit http://www2.carleton.ca/law/conflict/, contact Susan Smallwood, ext. 2785, or e-mail susan_smallwood@carleton.ca.

Well played, CCS, well played

I'm a bit of a nerd. I know you're all saying 'pfffft, noooooooo'. Yes, I admit it. I'm a nerd. I like nerdy things like why my eyes tear up or Darwin's birthday or the surveys sent to me because I'm part of National Geographic Base Camp.

This also means that I'm pretty in tune with my work laptop. (*cough* loser *cough*) It also means, that when it doesn't work perfectly well or I have trouble linking to the network from home to feed my workaholic anxieties at 3:00 am, I call the service desk for help. Not at 3:00 am, just the next am.

I recently discovered that I actually call more than most other users. Like, um, a lot more. As in I'm on a first name basis with all of the service desk guys and there's a lot of general ribbing going on whenever I call. But whatever, they love me.

Or so I thought until a few months ago, one of them joked with me that I was on the CCS blacklist. The list, apparently, tracks their frequent users and is helping the powers that be above the service desk support guys to see if a cost-recovery model is required. I panicked for about oh, 3-4 days until I had to call them again for help and they all had a very loud laugh at me as they yelled over their fort walls that I had believed that BS story.

Fast forward to today and the admin was testing our emergency notification system again. As well as text messages and emails, a pop-up message is supposed to take over your computer and force you to stop working. Well it didn't happen for me. Last time, it was because I was on my laptop and wasn't connected through some software to the system.

So I did what a diligent employee does who doesn't want to miss out on emergency notifications. I emailed the service desk to say, not sure who this should go to, I know it's a technical issue, so can you please pass this along. I had two follow up emails. One stated that a 'ticket' had been opened to address my concern. The other stated the following:

It was determined by Campus Safety that you were not deemed sufficiently essential enough to warrant the use of emergency broadcast systems.

Have a nice day

HA HA HA! Well played, CCS, well played.