Organic my ass

This morning, while stopped at the light at Bronson and after dutifully putting up my parking pass to avoid yet another ticket, I checked out the other cars/drivers around me. The vehicle in front of me had a bumper sticker in white with green writing. I know that bumper stickers are a thing of the past really and that people don't put them on their cars so when I do see one, I generally try to read them. This one read:

Try organic.
For your body. For the environment. For a change.
www.cog.ca

The irony? It was on one of these:











Yes, that's right - a Chevy Suburban. Right, do it 'for the environment'. You're preaching to me to eat organic when you're driving a vehicle that for the life of me on the GMC website I can't find the fuel efficiency specs on this puppy? For the sake of their gas tank, hopefully they believe in creationism.

Right...you sooooo made your case for organic....

Martha Stewart and Costco - you've gone too far, even for me

I trekked down to the wonderland that is Tweed today to spend some QT with the fam. We did what we sometimes do on a Saturday with no other plans, wild-eyed children who are going stir crazy and raining cats and dogs to boot: we went to Costco in Kingston.

Costco, I've come to realize, is a strange place. On any given day, you can probably account for what, 60% of the products to be routinely in stock while the other 40% seems to be transient stock of whatever wasn't selling in another region or country. It's also the place where you stand, under the glare of flourescent lights, gently (or not so gently) elbowing your way to the nearest person in white clothing with a hair net because god forbid, you need that honey garlic sausage sample at 10:00 am more than the guy with 3 kids who's goin' back for 3rds. It's also the place where you go into a time warp as, like a casino, there are no clocks, no indication of life on the outside and you get caught up in the glamour and awe of the 18 L gar or Preggo spaghetti sauce that will never fit in your fridge but you urgently rationalize to yourself that you can just 'divide and freeze it' in enough tupperware to fill half your freezer, all to save 2 cents per oz. and then be shocked and shaken were a cart of a few simple items somehow costs you half of your paycheck. But they were all such good deals!

It's also the place that, given the fact I was in jeans and a sweatshirt today and it felt like a late fall day rather than the end of August, I found myself admiring not just the amazing mixtures of hallowe'en candy but also...

Christmas decorations.

The odd thing was, it didn't even occur to me that this was out of place. I think it was because of my attire (and everyone else's), the fact that no one in the fam commented, and the fact that again, there's no windows to the outside where not a tree in sight had lost a leaf. It could also be that I think warmly of Xmas year round so the fact that it's 117 days away is unimportant.

But then, after my drive back to O-town on cursed HWY 7, I went into my local convenience store for some doritos and Dr. Pepper. I then walked past this and stopped dead in my tracks to take a pic:

W

T

F?

I was outraged. How dare MS push Halloween before even the start of the school year. Halloween is still 63 days away. Next thing you know, the Xmas decorations will be out.

It was only then that I realized I had in fact come [ ] that close to BUYING Christmas decorations this morning at Costco.

So, while I love Costco's ridiculousness and cheap Baby Bels and that once, in a former domesticated life, strived to recreate the holidays like my pal MS and all her minions, they have, IMHO, gone too far.

Let the WoP continue

It's no secret that I have a smidgen of disdain for the parking office at work. They have, routinely, proven to me that the simplest of tasks are quite cumbersome to accomplish and to add insult to injury, their rudeness and lack of professionalism just shows where they place priority in their 'customer service', if you can call it that...

The latest run in with them resulted in a parking ticket being issued to me on yet another Friday. I had one back in May, my first in over 2 years might I add when, like this recent one, I forgot to put my pass in my window. Why did I forget? Well, I put up my pass when I'm in the left turning lane on Bronson every am and then take it down as I pull out of my spot. While it is a driving hazard, I also know that I can be a bit of an aggressive driver at times so I fully admit, bashfully, that I don't necessarily want my employer associated with my driving. It's a PR thing - saving them from a bad rap. Silly but I do it nonetheless.

So, when I got the turning light on that Friday and didn't need to stop, I forgot to put it up. My habit was broken. Now, if, in theory, the parking barriers were down and I was forced to swipe my pass to gain access to my lot, I would most definitely have remembered to put it up. But, as they always are these days, the barriers were not down and so I could just drive right in and park. I came out to a ticket on Friday afternoon, after a rather stressful day so it was my cherry on my sundae, and promptly had an email reminder from the parking office on the Saturday am in my inbox. Love the efficiency.

When I got my ticket back in May, I was a little upset. I did, at the time, in my appeal inquire as to the reason that the barriers were not in use - ugh, haaaalllooooo! They're there for a REASON! What I got back for response to that appeal was an overturn in the fee and a 'it's your responsibility chastisement'. No acknowledgement as to my issue with the barriers. So, when this ticket occurred, they got me fired up on the wrong day.

To start off, I went to put in an appeal using the link that was supplied in the Saturday morning email. The link was broken. (Insert fuel on fire.) Oh, you did NOT just send me, Communications Officer, a broken link to the payment and appeal website in an automated email! So when I did go to the parking site and find it, I inputted my appeal. I admitted to knowing better but gave my rationale.

But that wasn't enough. I was mad. So I sent an email to their inquiry box. It read:

Hello,

I recently received a parking violation for Lot 5 as I did not have my permit displayed.

While I fully admit to simply having forgotten to take it out of my cup holder and put it on display that day, I do not leave my permit on my dash nor hanging from my rear view mirror at all times as it is a visual obstruction and driving hazard. Therefore, I have to remember to put it up daily as I enter the parking lot. While I do my best to remember to put it up, and have only received 2 violations in as many years for forgetting to do so, this leads me to inquire as to another issue with the lots that I have provided feedback on before but have seen no resolution.

As a user of lot 5, I would also like to inquire as to why the barriers to enter this lot are not in use. When they are, I am forced to use my pass to enter the lot and it is an automatic reminder to display my pass which in turn results in a decreased chance that I will incur an infraction. Notably, the two infractions I have received in the past two years were this summer at times when the barriers have not be in use to enforce permit-holder-only access to the lot.

If users of the lot are required to use a pass to enter the lot, I believe we could save parking officers a great deal of time in checking cars for permits should access to the lots be limited, as it appears was originally intended when the barriers were put in place. Considering that parking is an ancillary service to the university, this would in turn be a cost saving and in fact, increased revenue generating action.

Finally, it should be noted that the email reminder I promptly received regarding my infraction contained an out of date URL by which I could appeal/pay my fine.

Best regards,

L

$5 if you can guess what I got.

Nothing.

For a full week and a day, I had no response. Nada. Nothing. Niet.

Then Tuesday, I come out to my car and low and behold, there's a security officer milling about near it. It was after 6 and the lot was fairly cleaned out. Sure enough, he was waiting for me. But not because I had violated parking regulations, but because there was a mystery duffle bag under my car. He was waiting for backup before removing it. This was only made better because I was walking out with M who, a few months back, was subjected to my 'you don't know what's in that bag - we're across from the US embassy - it could be a bomb' rant while in the Earl of Sussex one evening when she wanted to move to a table where someone had forgotten their backpack. Anyways, he wasn't there re. my parking ticket but it was just funny.

Fast forward to yesterday, I got this in my inbox:

Dear L,

Your violation (ticket# 30700306) has been: REDUCED Original value: $35.00 Current value: $15.00
Administrator Comments:
Miss Alberta It is your responsibility to visibly display your parking permit while in your assigned location on campus. This is indicated on the back of your parking permit. The violation has been reduced to $15.00. S/Cst K. Gallinger Shift Manager University Safety

Hmm, and my issue with the barriers? What about that? So, not only is the 'E'mployer wasting payroll on their salaries, apparently now I'm going to have to waste capital I 'I'ncome on this ticket.

Truth be told, I didn't expect even a reduction after the email I sent - really, would you do something nice for someone who slams you like that? I wouldn't. But that wasn't why I did it. I did it because I'm sick of nothing being done and my concern not being directly addressed.

WTF is that

Now, I've pretty much established through the help of GBack that I live in a bubble. Its not uncommon for me to get old news from him and it being brand spankin' new info. One of the things that I didn't know about was apparently that OCCrapo Transpo has bought double decker buses. On the way home from work the other night I saw one and was completely bowled over. So I did what I do - I D&S (drove and snapped):

WHMPC - Wikipedia Guy

Cue music....



A couple weekends ago, I decided to do a stay-weekend and just was a shut in in my house doing things that needed doing - like lazily watching tv and napping. ;o)

As is the case, I inevitably needed some human contact mid-Saturday pm so I got online and checked out a few profiles on everyone's favourite dating website. I hadn't been on in weeks - I was just too busy and not really in the mood for the 'first date' dance/courtship rituals so I'd avoided the site. But, being true to the needs of you dear readers, perhaps it was time to add to the WHMPC category once again.

Wikipedia Guy (or wiki wiki for Gback) messaged me Saturday pm. His message was kinda quirky and short (like him) and so I messaged him back. This resulted in a flurry of emails for days which eventually lead to msn, texting and, believe it or not, an actual phone conversation. By that point we'd made plans to go out on the Sunday of the long weekend and I was looking forward to the date.

It's no surprise to you all that I have a geeky side. Yes, I know, I try not to expose you to it but sometimes it creeps through. But this guy, no matter how geeky the conversation turned (from geography to tractors to weather!) he was able to keep up and continue the conversation without dropping a beat. In fact, in one email, he sent me the link to a Wikipedia article (hence Wikipedia Guy). When I told this to some colleagues, the open mouthed shock at perhaps the match made in online dating heaven was a little bit too creepy.

So Sunday came and when we finally got together, he was as interesting and comfortable to converse with in person as he had been through any other medium. We went and saw some buskers on Sparks Street and then the sound and light show on Parliament Hill. He took me home after and I waited for what I hoped would be a good night kiss in my driveway.

And what did I get?

Nuthin'.

Now I'm not sayin' that I want every first date to end in some kind of physical contact - that would just be GROSS! But, you know, I thought things had gone well and he'd already suggested getting together once he'd gotten back from his trip to Vegas the following weekend.

The following day, when I didn't have a text or email from him, I wrote him off. Yup, not interested. I gotcha. It's all good, I understand. No hard feelings.

And then he texted to say he had a good time and it was a good idea. We then texted throughout the day and chatted on MSN that night. Okay, maybe I'd been quick to react.

Throughout the rest of the week, before he left on his trip, we texted, emailed and chatted on MSN. We made plans for a get together of ice cream and sight seeing the following week when he returned from Vegas. He then went off to Vegas and I didn't hear from him.

Fast forward a few days to the next Monday, the day he's due home from Vegas. I get a text from him in the am all chatty chatty while he's waiting during the layover between flights. And then he's off on his flight and I am busy at work and with softball and I don't hear from him the rest of the day. I text him after my softball game that night to firm up plans for the next day. He doesn't answer my texts. In fact he sends me a text the next day saying he's off to Montreal for work for a few days. No apology for cancelling, no reschedule but still with the texts and emails. But they're starting to wane.

So I figure, one last chance. I'd like to see him and I can wait around for him to make plans or just take life by the balls and try and make plans. He either agrees or he doesn't - at least I'll know.

I fire off a text to him suggesting getting together that weekend if he has time. No response. In fact, no other texts from him. I then get a friendly email from him (we'd also had an ongoing email exchange - yes, I know...soooo much technology!!!) on other random stuff and commenting on how he forgot his blackberry charger. Um, can I say, BULLSHIT? But I reply with a friendly email, no suggestion of getting together, nada. Becasue at this point, it's time to move on.

I guess we were both on the same page. I've since not heard from him. And GBack lost the bet that I would - he owes me breakfast! WOOT WOOT!

So, maybe something good DID come out of it.... :o)

And, dear readers, as is the motto of Albertasauras...

On
to
the
next...

Rowing is not for the weakhearted

When I started rowing, I never thought it would be the sport I would sustain the most injuries from on a consistent basis. But week after week, I came home with new bruises, scrapes, callouses and blisters to show off in moments of toughness. One of the places I've sustained the most injury has been to my legs - I have big calves that are not only a little chubby but also really muscular. They tend to hit the gunnels of the boats and causes bruises and even skin burns (think rug burn) on my legs. It's lead to quite a few interesting comments out of strangers and non-strangers alike. The first reaction is usually wide-eyed horror and then some sort of aghast comment re. 'and you choose to do this?'

The other thing that we were told when we started rowing is that it's near impossible to tip an 8 man boat. Well, at this am's practice, we proved them wrong.

A larger power boat had gone by and made quite the wake. While we should have been fine to just bob through it, we apparently had some nervous rowers in the boat who freaked out at the size of the wake and did what you naturally want to do - put your hand out to the side where you feel like you are falling to brace yourself. This was also the side of the boat where we were pitching heavily too so before I knew it, we were in trouble. My thought process went something like this:

Holy F*&K, this boat is going to flip!

Holy crap, it's easier to get my feet out of the shoes than I thought (for those who don't know, there are shoes that are screwed into the boat that we put our feet into - yes, ones size 13 men's shoe fits all so we all wear socks).

Ahhhh, that feels good (it was really hot, humid and smoggy on the water this am).

Holy F*%K! This is the Ottawa River I'm in! EWWWWWW.....

After the obligatory 'is everyone okay? can everyone swim? (bit late for that one, I know)' questions, we decided to swim the boat in to shore. Once we got into the weedy wading area, we had to turn the boat over, lift it over our heads to drain the water out (onto our heads) and then get back in, one by one, and row on.

By the time we got back to the rowing club, the master's level rowers were all waiting on the dock. Apparently, they could see the whole 'show' from the Rockcliffe Boathouse Restaurant across the river from where we flipped. Besides coming to find out how the hell we managed to flip an 8, they also came to take our coach (who was in the motor boat nice and dry, might I add) for a scotch. Ugh, where's my bloody scotch?

After I got home, I noticed that my leg seemed itchy and burning. While I at first worried I may have swimmer's itch, I think looked more closely. Apparently when I pulled out of the shoes, I scratched myself along the rigger of the boat. The photo was taken about 3 hours ago before my softball game (gotta love the cleats!)...

it's now turning purple....
















Btw, did I mention I'm rowing again on Wednesday? ;o)

Are you F*%&ing kidding me?

Songs like this crack me up...

Call me

Okay, gremlins aside, I love my phone. And I love Telus. Yes, I admit it. Telus wins me over time and again with all their cute marketing. From the piggies to the iguanas to the meerkats to the frogs. I love them all.

But don't you think this guy needs to be the next Telus mascot?

He's a sea slug. Seriously...UBER cute.

Hey, think if I suggest him someone will give me free service for a year?


Yeah, I thought not too. Maybe I'd get a free calendar. 2009 calendar too - HA!

WHMPC - Someone else's date

Okay, so I have gremlins in my cell phone. Yes, I did just get it a few short months ago and yes, they started showing up really quickly there after. Why have I not done anything about it? Because I can be the queen of procrastination, that's why.

One of the gremlins manifests itself by sending pics that are saved in my phone, in random texts, to someone in my contacts list. Poor M, hater of all things fuzzy, got a pic of my two cats lying in bed together the other day. I have warned most people that if they get random texts from me with pics, it's the gremlins, not me. I have also been very conscious not to take any pics that I wouldn't want on the cover of a newspaper with my phone.

But taking a break and reading one of my many blogs that I follow at lunch today, I came across this WHMPC story about someone who did something very similar. It's from the blog My Very Worst Date which thank GOD I'm doing soooo good compared to some of these horror stories...

Enjoy!

Picture Imperfect

One of my Very Worst Dates happened on my fourth date with a guy who was funny, warm and witty (plus all the shallow stuff: tall, blonde, great body etc). The first two dates had gone fantastically well. We had quite a bit of email and phone contact in between and were getting along really well. At the end of the third date, we had a lingering kiss. It was far as we had gone at that point though the festivities looked very likely to heat up on our next encounter.

For our fourth date, we went to a bar for drinks and tapas. Again, everything was going great. I make it a policy to never play around with my cellphone on a date but I was expecting an urgent work call. I explained this and he was fine with it so I had my phone, set to silent, on the table.

He excused himself to go to the restroom for what seemed like a long time. While he was away, I got a little ‘beep’ on my phone to let me know I had a message. It wasn’t work but a message from him. Thinking it was maybe a suggestive “can’t wait to kiss you again/you’re looking great” type message, I opened it.

I was nonplussed to find that it was a close up picture of his (not inconsiderable, I might add) fully ‘alert’ male member, clearly taken in the restroom because his suit pants could just be seen in the picture. That’s how close up it was! I like to think I am pretty open-minded but it came as quite a shock to me that some serious flirtation and a pretty intense kiss had prompted the X-rated photographic effort!

About two minutes later, he came charging back into the bar looking like he was about to throw up. Before I had a chance to say a word, he launched into a garbled apology.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry, I can’t believe I did that, I don’t know what I was thinking….What a stupid thing to do…What a stupid mistake to make…”

Ok so far, I thought.

Then, he continued.

“I sent it to the wrong person in my address book!”

There may be only one thing worse than a date you have only kissed but have high hopes for sending you shots of his penis from the bar restroom. That would be the date you have only kissed but have high hopes for sending SOMEONE ElSE his penis pix from the bar restroom while on he’s on a date with you.

Green Monster

It's that time of year again - Fall. Yes, I know it's not even mid-August but work has ramped up to full speed and it feels like mid-September, if you can believe it.

And with the new school year comes longer work hours and unfortunately, many a sleepless nights. Last night was the first of such nights. I tried to go to bed around 10:30 and instead, was up and working at the computer by 11:00. I got in 4 solid hours of work - yes, I went to bed at 3:00 am. I don't tell you this to make me a martyr or something, but more so that you understand that when I don't write as much or see you as much or only have interest in spending time on my couch, it's not personal - it's merely survival.

But inevitably it happens. Around 3:30/4:00 in the pm, usually because I forget to eat until about 2 or so (today it was 3:00), I hit it.

The Green Monster:














I've never been to Fenway, but man oh man, the wall is legendary - as is my mid-afternoon stupidity.

So I'm having one of those moments of 'yup, brain checked out' but I figure that considering I worked through my lunch and put in 4 hours last night (and lord knows the anxiety will keep me up tonight - if for nothing other than using the lord's name in vain ;o) ). I'm just hoping this little transgression in writing will give me the mental focus to get back at it for my remaining 11 minutes.

Yeah, I didn't think so either....

This kicks the Darwin fish's....

...ass HANDS DOWN!

(or should I say the Jebus fish?)




















(inside voice: I am SUCH a geek. *le sigh*)

Shout out to Mandy-YO-Sullivan and my SIL for this faboo image. Really, I think what's even better is the message that came with the email:

L,

Took a going to hell anyway photo for you, why not put the nail in the coffin....

SIL

WHMPC - The Gum Guy

I have a tendency to talk to strangers. I know, bizarre as that may seem, considering my aversion to my neighbours. It's no secret that I avoid them like the plague and would be that person who would chastise them for not knowing that the local Loeb is open 24 hours so 'why the hell are you standing on my doorstep asking if you can borrow some sugar?!??'

ANYWAYS, I tend to talk to random strangers. I ask for other women's opinions in the change room. Not the sales staff nor my friends if I'm shopping with them but random women - they give the best, unbiased advice. I chat up cashiers at grocery stores. I give my opinion on decorating decisions at Ikea - unsolicited but so far, every person has said thanks when I've shut my trap. Er, when I finished my advice? You know what I mean.

My other guilty pleasure is reading CraigsList. If you don't know what it is, Wikipedia (one of my fav's) describes it as 'a centralized network of online communities, featuring free online classified advertisements – with sections devoted to jobs, housing, personals, for sale, services, community, gigs, résumés, and discussion forums.' I go in to read the personal ads and am always amused at the nakedness that shows up in the 'casual encounters' section (who replies to those anyways?) and the hopeless romantic section for 'missed connections' where, for the most part, people post comments about a shared smile or 'hi' where they wished they'd had the cojones to just say more or talk more. This section inevitably makes me take life firmly by the balls more often than not because I don't want to live it with regret.

However, I ventured into the 'rants and raves' a while back and came across a posting by someone who was ranting about their online dating experience in the site I've been lurking. He seemed genuinely befuddled and I wanted to pat him on the head and say 'there, there, fellow singleton, cheer up!' so I decided to respond to his post. I used one of my *ahem* 7 email addresses to send him that kinda (anonymous) message and to do a little of my own commissurating re. lack of manners and bizareness that is online dating. I expected to send it out into the cosmic void without a hope of return messages.

Instead, we started exchanging emails, progressed to chatting on MSN and finally decided to meet. I met The Gum Guy and we went for ice cream and conversation at Hog's Back Park. We got to talking and while, the seemingly the nice guy he said he was, there were a few things about him that set off the warning bells.

For starters, one of his only hobbies was to supe up some car he had specially imported with crazy audio equipment so that he could go to competitions all over Canada and the US for loud car stereos. Okay, to each their own. Not really MY definition of fun but hell, I go out and bruise myself regularly and have screaming british midgets tell me to row like a slut so who am I to judge?

Secondly, he seemed to still be a little in the bitter mode since his last breakup. While we did not discuss ex's, his status was separated on the dating site and there was just something a little bitter and jaded in his expression of things and slightly 'woe is me' self-depricating sense of humour that grated on my nerves. But hey, we've all had our moments of pity partiness so okay, he just maybe needed a reminder that he, and life and women for that matter, weren't all that bad.

But then he put the nail in the coffin.

If you've known me for a while, you'll know that I have a little quirk about me that I don't eat gum out of a blister pack. In fact, I think I've had about 2-3 pieces in the last 7 years or so and those were 'desperate times call for desperate measures' moments. 'It's bad packaging' is what I tell people because, well it is. Paper, plastic and metal all for what, 12 pieces? And who ever recycles that? So while I chew gum that comes in sticks, collectively, even if I don't recycle the packaging - which admittedly I don't unless it's one of those faux cigarette like boxes with the sticks inside - it's still less waste in the landfill than the blister packs. You'll only get the rant out of me once or twice before you just stop asking if I want gum, as I'm sure most of you have realized.

So, low and behold, he offers me a piece of gum from a blister pack. I politely say 'no thanks, bad packaging.' This is my way of saying, 'you know that you're confused and you're going to ask me what that means and if you ask, well then, you asked for that rant or you can let it go and just ignore it'. I'll give you two guesses as to what he did.

He said 'what?!?!"

So I gave him the rant. He did the usual comebacks of 'the gum's already bought, I'm just going to eat it, blah blah blah' to which, after 7 years, you know I have a response to each one of those. It was then that he let his true argumentative side show although something in our conversations had lead me to believe he was the type that had to always be right or always have the last argument or at least have you take his side seriously and as a 'possibility' if you weren't going to believe it. I guess, seeing as how I was resolute in my decision and not about to budge on my opinion, he had to win somehow. What he did next baffled me.

He took the pack of gum out of his pocket and popped out another piece. While I know you're thinking that he was going to put it in his mouth and chew it, as a point of, well, now two pieces have been eaten even if you're not eating one of them, I was shocked and horrified when....

He threw it in the bushes. Yup, just off to the side of the bench we were sitting on. He didn't say a word but smugly pushed the blister pack back in the paper casing and put it in his pocket in an 'oh yeah, fuck you' look to me.

For the first time ever on a date, I couldn't control my expression. Open mouthed horror. What was worse is that it only made him MORE smug.

Needless to say the date didn't last much longer after that. If bitter and jaded and have to always be right are his MO, no wonder he is single.

Happy Belated Birthday, Albertasauras!

Wow. It's been a year and a day since I started writing this blog. Amazing how time flies. I also notice that my life has become exponentially busy with well, life stuff, that I'm not writing as much. I should - it allows me a creative outlet I don't otherwise normally get.

Anyways, I promise I will write and fill you in on all the WHMPC updates from the last little while and let you know what other shenanigans I've been getting myself into.

Until then, 261 posts in 366 days. Not too bad I say, not too bad....