More cube farm head shaking

Two work thoughts: You know you're in an older work environment when you go to get paper towel from the kitchen and the magnet on the dispenser is for how to recognize the signs of a stroke. Also, it's quite entertaining when you write your own 'welcome to the team' message and then you don't get copied on it when it's sent out to your new colleagues only to discover this when they show up at your door to 'welcome' you....

Shoot. Me. Now.

Monday through Friday is starting to become a bit more routine. But, while things change daily as to the work load, etc. one thing I can bet on is the daily phone call of one of my cube farm mates that's made loudly enough to be heard, every work day she's there, between 3:55-4:15 pm. It goes something like this:

'Hi Honey, how are you? How was track and field today? Well you tried your best! How's Zachary? How are you feeling? How are your allergies? Okay, well daddy's gonna be picking you up around 6:30, okay? Okay, I love you. Bye bye'

EVERY DAY. I can barely keep my cool on the other side of the fabric wall.

Confession

The guy in the cube beside me is a bit of a nincompoop. He's just, flaky. And chatty. He knocked on my doorway to my fabric box today and proceeded to tell me about his day and all the trials and tribulations of getting something approved blah blah blah blah blah. I've learned that the extent of my engaging only has to include me shaking my head and closing my eyes. Occasionally I mutter 'wow, another culture shock moment'. And I do this because...

I have no FUCKING clue what he's talking about.

I wasted my time in jeuvy

One of the other things that has been a bit of a culture shock since coming back to gov't is the 'lock down' mentality of this place. Sure, we have to herd through the gates where we swipe our passes to get in (kinda like cows on the way to the slaughter house, non?) but there's this new look to everything. Filing cabinets with bars across them and huge padlocks on them or, filing cabinets with dial locks on them - you know, like what a bank has.

But the challenge more than anything is opening the damn things. I had to wait for 3 weeks for someone to come and install a cabinet with a lock in it (the one I had didn't have a lock) and then another few days for someone to come set the combination (to my liking so that was helpful) but I then had to wait another 2 weeks for someone to come show me how to open it...again. But I really didn't feel bad...I had 3 other people try the lock to get it open before the locksmith came in and told me what the 'trick' was with my lock. Apparently, because I chose a second number very close to the number 0, I needed to pass it 3 times instead of 2 as per the instructions I was given on a piece of paper.

*insert sarcasm*

Hunh...well, who wudda thunk it.

Perhaps if I'd only used my time in jeuvy wisely and figured out how to crack vaults would this have been obvious to me.

*insert eye rolling*

OC Transpo's cryptic

So OC Transpo replied this am. I'm sure that my email request was widely circulated around their offices today under a 'wtf?' headline. Here's what they sent back:

Thank you L for your e-mail.

We do have equipment and staff on-hand that complete the required tasks. Regrettably, due to restrictions and confidentiality issues, we are unable to provide further details.

Once again, we appreciate your interest and trust you understand our position.

Sincerely,

Linda
Customer Relations Officer
Transit Services, City of Ottawa

Oh, you know they think I'm crazy.

Oc Transpo Debate

So Gback and I are working late tonight and out of nowhere, he throws out this random question:

'I wonder how OC Transpo sorts the change and bills it collects.'

Being the geek I am, I hypothesized as to how it is done. His response was along the lines of the fact that it was a rhetorical question and that if I didn't actually know, I shouldn't answer. So, being the stubborn bitch know-it-all bitch that I am, I thought I'd solve the mystery once and for all.

A few minutes later I read the following to him:

Dear OC Transpo,

My colleague and I were wondering something and hoped you could put an argument to rest. We'd like to know how OC Transpo sorts the change and the tickets/bills when it's all removed from the bus. Is there a machine that lets the coins fall through leaving the bills on top? If so, then who sorts the bills from the tickets or other paper? Or do you employ someone who just dumps it all out on a conference room table and sorts it all into piles - hopefully wearing gloves. Or perhaps the sorting occurs right on the bus?

Any assistance you could provide in resolving this debate would be appreciated.

Thank you.

I'll let you know if they respond...

One of those weeks

It's been a long week. I've been slammed by so many people on so many issues of which very few are in my control or my pay range. And it just keeps coming.

After responding to one blasting email this afternoon with a lengthy and detailed rebuttal, I realized it took me 2 HOURS to write the email. Once I breathed deeply a few times and mentally gave myself a pep talk, I hit 'send'. I then turned to Gback and said...

'I'm going for a drink'

It was 3:30. I meant to say, 'I'm going for a coffee.'

There were quite a few chuckles but it summarizes well the week I've had.

One more day...

I'm sorry - but I'm not admitting to having done it

Author's note: I didn't realize I hadn't published this back in June but seriously, just read this. I havent' changed any of the info in it so this is as real as a post as it gets.

W. T. F?

The Centre for Conflict Education and Research: Advanced Practice Workshop

Ontario has recently enacted The Apology Act 2009 to permit apologies to occur in certain circumstances without the apology constituting an admission that creates liability for the apologizing party.

This one-day course is intended to give participants an opportunity to reflect on the structure of an effective apology and to analyze its essential elements. Students will develop an understanding of Ontario’s Apology Act and its impact upon giving apologies in different contexts. Participants will examine how to facilitate the creation of effective apologies in a variety of contexts where parties are engaged in conflict.

Location: Carleton University
Date: Friday, June 26
Time: 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Cost: $362.25 early bird if you register by June 5, and $393.75 after June 5.

For information and to register, please visit http://www2.carleton.ca/law/conflict/, contact Susan Smallwood, ext. 2785, or e-mail susan_smallwood@carleton.ca.

Well played, CCS, well played

I'm a bit of a nerd. I know you're all saying 'pfffft, noooooooo'. Yes, I admit it. I'm a nerd. I like nerdy things like why my eyes tear up or Darwin's birthday or the surveys sent to me because I'm part of National Geographic Base Camp.

This also means that I'm pretty in tune with my work laptop. (*cough* loser *cough*) It also means, that when it doesn't work perfectly well or I have trouble linking to the network from home to feed my workaholic anxieties at 3:00 am, I call the service desk for help. Not at 3:00 am, just the next am.

I recently discovered that I actually call more than most other users. Like, um, a lot more. As in I'm on a first name basis with all of the service desk guys and there's a lot of general ribbing going on whenever I call. But whatever, they love me.

Or so I thought until a few months ago, one of them joked with me that I was on the CCS blacklist. The list, apparently, tracks their frequent users and is helping the powers that be above the service desk support guys to see if a cost-recovery model is required. I panicked for about oh, 3-4 days until I had to call them again for help and they all had a very loud laugh at me as they yelled over their fort walls that I had believed that BS story.

Fast forward to today and the admin was testing our emergency notification system again. As well as text messages and emails, a pop-up message is supposed to take over your computer and force you to stop working. Well it didn't happen for me. Last time, it was because I was on my laptop and wasn't connected through some software to the system.

So I did what a diligent employee does who doesn't want to miss out on emergency notifications. I emailed the service desk to say, not sure who this should go to, I know it's a technical issue, so can you please pass this along. I had two follow up emails. One stated that a 'ticket' had been opened to address my concern. The other stated the following:

It was determined by Campus Safety that you were not deemed sufficiently essential enough to warrant the use of emergency broadcast systems.

Have a nice day

HA HA HA! Well played, CCS, well played.

Okay, I need another rant

So I was thinking about this situation at work yesterday in the shower this am and knew I had to share. It's crap like this that makes me want to pull my hair out because it's the little things that kill my day - like this.

Yesterday I went to my mailbox to get my mail. In my pigeon hole was an envelope that hadn't been opened, hadn't been date stamped, nada. I looked at the return address and didn't recognize some institute of higher learning. I get crap mail like this all the time so I don't really even pay much attention now. But then I looked at the addressee which should have been...ME....

It was....

Professor John Doe (who is not one of our office staff)
Adjunct Research Professor
Administrative office down the hall from us but not our office
123 X Building (our office's room and building number)
Blah, blah, blah

So I went to the person who sorts our mail and answers our phones and inquired as to why it was in my mailbox. The response?

'Oh, well I didn't know where it should go so I thought I'd give it to you and you'd figure it out.'

I had soooo many catty comments floating around in my head and 'waste of payroll' was the nicest of them but instead I just walked it down the hall to the other administrative office it was addressed to because it was literally on my way to the staircase. Their response was 'oh yeah, we have a lot of projects with him so he has mail sent here all the time. In fact, he's coming in today so we'll give it to him. Thanks!'

Shoot.

Me.

Now.

Is it inappropriate...

I need a minute of sanity at work. I'm going nuts with the quantity and diversity of things that need to be done. I think this is my worst year yet in this job for workload so I need one moment of creativity.

So...do you think it's inappropriate if I set an 'out of office' reply on my email to read:

Thank you for your email.

Are you on fire?

Are you about to be fired and the only way it can be stopped is if I do some work for you?

Do you really need my help or are you just too damn lazy to look up that information for yourself?

No to all of the above?

Then take a number. Your request will be processed in due order of urgency in relation to every other 'effing person who has made a request thinking their work is my sole reason for existence.

Thank you and have a nice day!

Crustipants

Baby Bump

Relax.

I don't have one.

Although I am getting a woman paunch that could be confused for one but that's laziness, not pregnancy induced.

Anyways, I was chatting with GBack today and we were commenting on all the people who are about to explode (*ahem* JJ!!!!) or recently announcing their pregnancies and he commented on the fact that someone looked like they were getting the 'bump' which for some reason made me bristle. Not that they were getting the bump, but the use of that word. The convo went something like this:

GBack:I saw she was developing quite a bump...but I didn't want to say anything... best not to travel down that road

L: I hate that word

GBack: haha

L: no kidding baby bump - 'Yeah, that's quite the speed bump you've created on the way to your vagina alright'

It's a good thing he didn't have coffee in his mouth. He would have, like he has on other occasions, spewed it all over his monitor.

I *know* he loves having a fort beside mine.

Hot damn, Google, you know how to do me right

On a further note to the stuff that really amuses me, Google's at it again with their Search Stories videos on Youtube. This one is the best:



If you liked that, you'll enjoy, but probably won't like as much:

Potholes

Highschool

Parisian Love

Mad to Live

Newbie

Rattlings from inside the golden cage

I have had a few moments over the past few days to reflect on the golden cage that is my current employment situation.

The first came when I had to get a confirmation of salary for some banking purposes. I almost fell out of my chair when I opened the letter to see that since I started 3.5 years ago, I'm now up 25% in pay from what I made when I started. 25%. That also means I'm making more than double what I made at my previous employer whom I left to work here. That's...um...sick. And not sic as in cool, yo yo homey g. But sick - as in disgusting. And I have all of that to thank to my union who keeps negotiating ridiculous salary increases. On the down side, I actually end up paying them a fairly good little piece o' dough to keep me in those increases.

But do you know what this means? It means that pretty much the only place I can go to get comparable pay is to the government. And we all know how easy it is to get in there. And it'd have to be a 04 or 05 position. So really, I can't really afford to quit my job and go work somewhere else because of the pay cut I'd be taking. Now, if I had a sugar daddy to help me pay my bills so I could have the freedom to move, okay. But right now, on my own, I'm a little bit screwed.

The other came today when I went to buy fully licensed software for my new laptop. I knew that there were institutional rates for these things but I didn't know what the rebate was. So, I got Microsoft Office Professional 2007 and Adobe Acrobat Professional 9. Together, they retail for just over $1000 before taxes ($1040 at Best Buy, $1050 at Staples).

What did I pay? $50. $10 for Office and $40 for Acrobat. The woman who sold it to me did the whole breathing in between teeth thing and said 'yes, but....that's $40'. I didn't want to tell her...I'd even be willing to pay $50! Sheesh!

And yet there are still complainers at work...egads.

WOP - it's like the voicemail gods are taunting me

Okay, so a few weeks ago I bemoaned the ineptitude of the idiots over at voice services because apparently my phone whose light wasn't flashing wasn't a phone that they thought they should support anymore.

And magically, the light started working again.

Well guess what...now the light won't STOP flashing, even when I don't have a message.

I know, I'm howling with laughter over it too.

Too rich. Too rich not to share...

WoP - Voice Services Update

I was away on photo shoots on Thursday and Friday from work.

I got into my office late Thursday afternoon to see the phone message light working.

It's like the customer service gods are pulling pranks on me, just to get me riled up.

It made me laugh and shake my head.

I'd ask for my money back

If I was a paying customer of the institution I work at, and I knew there were such wastes of payroll employed here, I'd ask for my money back.

We all know I rant about the parking office and my ongoing battles with them over parking tickets, parking passes and well, anything customer service oriented.

Today though, their reign as most inept customer service on campus has been toppled...by voice services. And I quote:

L: Hi, I'm having a problem with my phone. I'm having messages left but the flashing light on my phone isn't working to tell me there are messages. Apparently this has been going on for two days.
Most Unhelpful Customer Service Agent Ever (MUCSAE): Oh, that's a known problem with the 470's. You should get a VOIP phone.
L: Okayyyyyyyy....oh, you're referring to the model number....
MUCSAE: (insert exasperated tone) well, yes, you do have a 470, right?
L: Yes.
MUCSAE: well, you should get a VOIP. We don't have those kinds of problems with that phone. But if you want, you can try scrolling through the user options until you get to something in the menu that talks about indicator lights.
L: Ugh, okay, but this problem just started this week. It was working fine before that.
MUCSAE: Yeah, you should get a VOIP phone. It's only 90cents extra a month.
L: But I was told I couldn't get a VOIP phone. When I moved down to this office a few months ago, they installed this other phone that I'd had in my old office and said they'd look into it and never got back to me.
MUCSAE: Oh, you're in which building?
L: Tory
MUCSAE: There are tons of VOIP phones in Tory so I don't think that's an issue but I'll check to see if there's an issue with your area. You're in 1146 Tory.
L: No, 421. 1146 is my phone extension.
MUCSAE: Oh. Right....
*silence*
MUCSAE: Okay, I'll look into that. In the mean time, you should get a VOIP phone. And you should check your voicemail often to make sure you don't miss any messages.
*silence*
(inside voice: *speechless* um. Wow. Okay. WASTE OF PAYROLL!!!)
L: Okay, thanks.
MUCSAE: No problem!

You know, I don't even think I need to comment on this. I think, my dear readers, that you are all smart enough to just grapple with the ineptitude that is voice services. So, again - wow...what a waste of payroll.

Let the WoP continue

It's no secret that I have a smidgen of disdain for the parking office at work. They have, routinely, proven to me that the simplest of tasks are quite cumbersome to accomplish and to add insult to injury, their rudeness and lack of professionalism just shows where they place priority in their 'customer service', if you can call it that...

The latest run in with them resulted in a parking ticket being issued to me on yet another Friday. I had one back in May, my first in over 2 years might I add when, like this recent one, I forgot to put my pass in my window. Why did I forget? Well, I put up my pass when I'm in the left turning lane on Bronson every am and then take it down as I pull out of my spot. While it is a driving hazard, I also know that I can be a bit of an aggressive driver at times so I fully admit, bashfully, that I don't necessarily want my employer associated with my driving. It's a PR thing - saving them from a bad rap. Silly but I do it nonetheless.

So, when I got the turning light on that Friday and didn't need to stop, I forgot to put it up. My habit was broken. Now, if, in theory, the parking barriers were down and I was forced to swipe my pass to gain access to my lot, I would most definitely have remembered to put it up. But, as they always are these days, the barriers were not down and so I could just drive right in and park. I came out to a ticket on Friday afternoon, after a rather stressful day so it was my cherry on my sundae, and promptly had an email reminder from the parking office on the Saturday am in my inbox. Love the efficiency.

When I got my ticket back in May, I was a little upset. I did, at the time, in my appeal inquire as to the reason that the barriers were not in use - ugh, haaaalllooooo! They're there for a REASON! What I got back for response to that appeal was an overturn in the fee and a 'it's your responsibility chastisement'. No acknowledgement as to my issue with the barriers. So, when this ticket occurred, they got me fired up on the wrong day.

To start off, I went to put in an appeal using the link that was supplied in the Saturday morning email. The link was broken. (Insert fuel on fire.) Oh, you did NOT just send me, Communications Officer, a broken link to the payment and appeal website in an automated email! So when I did go to the parking site and find it, I inputted my appeal. I admitted to knowing better but gave my rationale.

But that wasn't enough. I was mad. So I sent an email to their inquiry box. It read:

Hello,

I recently received a parking violation for Lot 5 as I did not have my permit displayed.

While I fully admit to simply having forgotten to take it out of my cup holder and put it on display that day, I do not leave my permit on my dash nor hanging from my rear view mirror at all times as it is a visual obstruction and driving hazard. Therefore, I have to remember to put it up daily as I enter the parking lot. While I do my best to remember to put it up, and have only received 2 violations in as many years for forgetting to do so, this leads me to inquire as to another issue with the lots that I have provided feedback on before but have seen no resolution.

As a user of lot 5, I would also like to inquire as to why the barriers to enter this lot are not in use. When they are, I am forced to use my pass to enter the lot and it is an automatic reminder to display my pass which in turn results in a decreased chance that I will incur an infraction. Notably, the two infractions I have received in the past two years were this summer at times when the barriers have not be in use to enforce permit-holder-only access to the lot.

If users of the lot are required to use a pass to enter the lot, I believe we could save parking officers a great deal of time in checking cars for permits should access to the lots be limited, as it appears was originally intended when the barriers were put in place. Considering that parking is an ancillary service to the university, this would in turn be a cost saving and in fact, increased revenue generating action.

Finally, it should be noted that the email reminder I promptly received regarding my infraction contained an out of date URL by which I could appeal/pay my fine.

Best regards,

L

$5 if you can guess what I got.

Nothing.

For a full week and a day, I had no response. Nada. Nothing. Niet.

Then Tuesday, I come out to my car and low and behold, there's a security officer milling about near it. It was after 6 and the lot was fairly cleaned out. Sure enough, he was waiting for me. But not because I had violated parking regulations, but because there was a mystery duffle bag under my car. He was waiting for backup before removing it. This was only made better because I was walking out with M who, a few months back, was subjected to my 'you don't know what's in that bag - we're across from the US embassy - it could be a bomb' rant while in the Earl of Sussex one evening when she wanted to move to a table where someone had forgotten their backpack. Anyways, he wasn't there re. my parking ticket but it was just funny.

Fast forward to yesterday, I got this in my inbox:

Dear L,

Your violation (ticket# 30700306) has been: REDUCED Original value: $35.00 Current value: $15.00
Administrator Comments:
Miss Alberta It is your responsibility to visibly display your parking permit while in your assigned location on campus. This is indicated on the back of your parking permit. The violation has been reduced to $15.00. S/Cst K. Gallinger Shift Manager University Safety

Hmm, and my issue with the barriers? What about that? So, not only is the 'E'mployer wasting payroll on their salaries, apparently now I'm going to have to waste capital I 'I'ncome on this ticket.

Truth be told, I didn't expect even a reduction after the email I sent - really, would you do something nice for someone who slams you like that? I wouldn't. But that wasn't why I did it. I did it because I'm sick of nothing being done and my concern not being directly addressed.

Green Monster

It's that time of year again - Fall. Yes, I know it's not even mid-August but work has ramped up to full speed and it feels like mid-September, if you can believe it.

And with the new school year comes longer work hours and unfortunately, many a sleepless nights. Last night was the first of such nights. I tried to go to bed around 10:30 and instead, was up and working at the computer by 11:00. I got in 4 solid hours of work - yes, I went to bed at 3:00 am. I don't tell you this to make me a martyr or something, but more so that you understand that when I don't write as much or see you as much or only have interest in spending time on my couch, it's not personal - it's merely survival.

But inevitably it happens. Around 3:30/4:00 in the pm, usually because I forget to eat until about 2 or so (today it was 3:00), I hit it.

The Green Monster:














I've never been to Fenway, but man oh man, the wall is legendary - as is my mid-afternoon stupidity.

So I'm having one of those moments of 'yup, brain checked out' but I figure that considering I worked through my lunch and put in 4 hours last night (and lord knows the anxiety will keep me up tonight - if for nothing other than using the lord's name in vain ;o) ). I'm just hoping this little transgression in writing will give me the mental focus to get back at it for my remaining 11 minutes.

Yeah, I didn't think so either....

Gettin' janky with it

Seems these days that I spend a lot of time updating my work website during the hum drum of Mon-Fri, 8:30-4:30. I don't mind but I'm not a patient person, as I've come to realize in my old age, so when I can't remember how to do something, I inevitably end up pushing buttons here and there and everywhere hoping that whatever I'm trying to do finds a way of magically doing it. I'm also using a fairly (new to me) content management system software that the 'E'mployer purchased a while back. The cool thing about it is that the techies can update some of the instructions to be specific to our org. 'Das cool. I give 'em credit for that.

Apparently, they're also on the cheeky side these days like the physicists and meteorologists: