Yes, I know, a bit of a 'is this gonna be TMI of a blog post' title but meh, you'll get over it.
I've been daily amazed at the culture shock I'm experiencing as a public servant. One of the thing that surprisingly affects me daily are my trips to the washroom.
Like any public washroom, there's nothing special about these ones. Save for the handy hanging file holder where you can put your folders and notebooks if you're making a pit stop on the way to a meeting so they don't have to go on the wet counter.
What my trips leave me jarred with most days are actually the automatic flushing toilets. Yes, the toilets. I admit to being a hoverer. I don't sit on any toilet seats anywhere, save for my own and my brother's (yes, you do clean your toilet before I come for a reason SIL...and I thank you). Well, that's not to say that if I'm travelling in a hotel I don't but I won't if I visit your house, go to a public restroom, etc. It's not a germaphobe kinda thing, it's a 'hey, I can build leg muscles if I am forced to hold them in a semi-squat for a period of time'. Yes, I started doing it several years ago to build leg muscles. Hey, every bit counts! And my rowing is all the better for it.
But I digress. What this means though is that with these new automatic flushing toilets that I just finish going and within a few inches of starting to pull up my pants, the toilet is hyper-flushing. I say hyper-flushing because those puppies have a LOT of sucking...no need for 'courtesy flushing' here! Back to my earlier confession of suffering from ligyrophobia, needless to say, peeing at work is not a good experience for me. Which sucks, to put it simply, because I do some of my best thinking while taking a sanity break from work and end up back at my desk inspired and full of promise. It's that break my brain needs and now, it's getting the equivalent of a shock.
And do you know how I know it's affecting me that much?
I leave the bathroom with my fly down ALL. THE. TIME.
Yeah, that's right, it's like my brain freaks out and wants the hell out of that small space with that loud hyper-flushing toilet and I go so quickly I forget to do up the fly on my pants. I typically do this 1-2 times A WEEK! I don't remember the last time I forgot to zip up EVER, never mind doing it 1-2 times a WEEK!
Beyond that, wearing my geek pass on a clip on my pants has also lead to a bizarre event. While frantically pulling up my pants the other day, the clip came loose and it, pass attached bounced off the toilet seat (that I had just hovered over) and miraculously fell to the floor. I had a few deep breaths to regain my composure at 1) the loud noise and 2) the fact that I almost had to go fishing where I had just pissed. Pleasant thought, I know.
But to top all of this off, what I can't get over is the laziness/germaphobia of my colleagues. To enter the bathroom, we must go through two doors. These, like most public washrooms, have those physically impaired (see, I'm already PC-ified after being a public servant for 5 weeks) buttons so the doors open for you if you just patiently wait a second or two. I'll admit, I've used these before when both of my arms aren't free or I need someone to hold a door for me as I travel with a dolly. But I'll be DAMNED if a gov't slave has to open one of those doors for themselves and touch one of those icky door handles. Almost everyone uses these buttons which in effect slows down their walking speed so it takes them more time to go to the washroom with these delays (more of your tax payers' - and mine, might I add - dollars wasted) not to mention the additional electrical costs and maintenance costs to have these buttons working that are only expected to get a certain number of pushes before requiring maintenance which, with the frequency they are now being used, are not meant to handle that kind of use.
But wait, there's still the kicker.
If that's not bad enough, I have witnessed several people wash their hands and leave the taps RUNNING. No, they do NOT use a towel to turn off the taps - that would be too close to touching them with their freshly washed hands. So they leave it running and punch, hip check or elbow the handicap button to get out of the washroom. And one of the offenders sits on the other side of a fabric wall from me. It takes all my energy not to go over and lick her keyboard and her phone when I see her get up to go. What burns me most is that we work for an aid agency. AN AID FUCKING AGENCY. We dedicate Monday-Friday, 10-2 (what? we need coffee breaks and to leave early and come in late), to helping the poorest and most underdeveloped nations of the world bring themselves up to par with our fair nation. Yet our smug superiority stops at the desks we leave behind so we can waste electricity and water when the people we should be thanking our livelihoods on can't even have that. BLOWS MY MIND.
While I'm not the type to go postal and rage on someone, I have been tempted to post this to the inside of each bathroom stall door above the lock.
To all those who use the handicap button to exit and enter the washrooms and leave the taps running so as to avoid bacteria and germs.
I just soiled on my hands and touched this lock. I'm at your desk right now touching everything as you read this.
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