There are few things in life I loathe. Yes, loathe because HATE just isn't strong enough. Loathe to me just ooozes hate. Just say the word - LOOOOOATHE!
Okay, now that we've got that out of the way.
I LOATHE ants. Yes, ants. Those motherf*$kin' 6-legged, little, infesting, S*&t disturbing...
*inside voice: Okay, need to get the loathing under control. People will think you are nuts*
I was traumatized by an ant when I was about 4 years old. I won't share with you how, let's just say it was highly traumatic. This was only compounded by the fact that a friend had a carpenter ant problem in high school and I had to help her kill over 40 ants one afternoon in her kitchen when we got home from school. This was then reinforced when we read some short story and watched the movie Naked Jungle in English class in HS and that visually traumatized me even more.
It's the only critter I will go out of my way to kill and to actually take glee from killing. Yes, I'll admit it, I take GLEE from killing ants. If I see one on the sidewalk and I have to side step a few steps to step on it, you can damn well bet I'm going to put in the effort. Ironically enough, friends and fellow home owners who know my aversion to ants gave me ant traps for a house warming present. Yes, that's how much I LOATHE them.
This past summer, I went to TOWN on the ants in my backyard and those were only those "cute" little microscopic ones that aren't really a problem but just part of the natural order of a backyard. If only you could have heard my maniacal laugh to "die you little f*%kers, DIE!!!!" as I poured on the ant killer that was only supposed to be used in sparing drops.
However, this puts me at fundamental odds with my geeky, scientifically inquisitive mind and I've actually considered that I should give an ant farm to my nephews as a present. What?!? You think I'm going to willingly put ants in my house? Screw that. I just wanna see the tunnels for about 30 seconds and then walk away before the rage swells up inside me and I smash the farm with my bare hands and then make a pulpy mess of dismembered heads and 6-legged bodies. (BTW, I think sea monkeys would probably be better, non? Probably wouldn't scar the kids as much.)
ANYWAYS, I came across this video on Geekologie today. It freaked me out more than any middle aged man after watching Fatal Attraction back in the 80's. So I thought I would share as this little tidbit about me is something not everyone knows and well, considering I turn into a platinum blonde-haired, crazy-eyed Hulkess, you should kinda be forewarned so that you're not taken aback over an otherwise nice lunch outside one sunny summer afternoon.
(Yes, I know I have issues - but the first step is admitting it. And buying raid, or 10 tonnes of cement as it is.)
BTW, check out the sole survivor at 2:20. Betcha know what he's thinking, don't you?
"Kill my family, ruin my home, cut off my legs, segment my body. Doesn't matter...I'll be back."
Epilogue: Sorry for all the cussin' in this post. When it comes to those Motherf^*kin', crawl all over you at picnics, infest your home, little...okay, I can't help myself. I loose all control and the angry trucker in me comes out. I'm sure it makes my redneck daddy real proud.
No comments:
Post a Comment