You stink, you're noisy, and you're on my list (typed on my typewriter)

There are some profound moments in life where you realize you really are 'normal'. It's normal to hate going to work on Monday's. It's normal to experience road rage from time to time. It's normal to hate going to the doctor or the dentist. And it's normal to have your beefs in the workplace.

But I think I have come to realize that I am as vanilla as they get when it comes to being a less than troublesome employee.

Or so I thought.

Several weeks back, I was 'approached' by a woman in my shared office suite who had finally found the source of the smell that had been the bane of her existence for several weeks. Me. She came around the wall of my 'fort' and sniffed in the air like a blood hound before proclaiming, in a borderline disgusted way, 'oh, it's YOU'. She then proceeded to tell me that I was causing her to not be able to breath by the end of the day and that she could smell me down the hall before she even entered the office suite each morning. So I stopped wearing perfume to work. A week and a half later, she once again went on a patronizing rant that in fact, it is my laundry products that are causing her grief. Now, I don't want to be completely insensitive to someone's health issues, but with the patronizing tone she took with me and the complete and utter lack of appreciation for the fact that she was asking me to make an accommodation for her, it got my back up. Fast forward to that weekend where I bought unscented fabric softener and bounce - see, I'm not a total ass, I can be accommodating. Monday rolls round and I have a weekly meeting with my boss where, you got it, I was 'reprimanded' for my scent. I told him what I was planning on doing and was asked to wash my clothes before I wear them to the office in the unscented products. Right. So anyways, apparently the smell has gone away because this woman has commented on it to our office manager - but has anyone said even one iota to me about thanks for accommodating, etc.? NO! Which pisses me off to no end.

But just so you get an indication of this woman, she has an enclosed office in our suite - I'm in a cube in a hall. Our office suite is a horseshoe with her being at one tip and me being in the opposing corner. I don't even see her on a daily basis as I don't even leave through the door by her office, I use the one closer to my 'fort'. The key here is an enclosed office which is what you need to keep in mind when I tell you the next outlandish behaviour of hers.

She works on a publication that is produced yearly. I don't think her job is overly hard - she doesn't even write the content. Nor lay down any rules as to formatting. Basically it's a multi-hundred page document free for all and you know how that would piss off the communications person in me. Anyways, she not only feels the need to close her office door but she also has GIGANTOR headphones because, as she put it to another colleague on our floor she 'doesn't want to have to hear anyone else while [she's] working.' Have I also mentioned that she's soooo far up the union's butt that I'd be screwed if I ever tried to go head to head with her? Not that I'd win, because as soon as you mutter those magical words - HEALTH ISSUE - you're tarnished with a different form of scarlet letters on your chest.

So, with that, I leave you with another ditty that'll blow your mind. The chair of one of our departments, sadly a TBay native as well (sadly because I'm embarrased) is a special character. He's one of the most cynical and ornery people I've ever had the displeasure of working with. I groan when I see him on campus because nothing is EVER good enough for him. You want to offer the olive branch but he doens't want it because he wants the whole 'effing tree and if you can't give it all to him, 'eff it, he doesn't want the branch. I HATE people like that!

Anyways, he has a list. It's a list of people that he carries with him that his doctor has given him a note to say he does not have to have any contact with them in any way because they cause him undue stress that could lead to a heart attack or inflated blood pressure. Yes, a list of names. And should you be on the list and decide to approach him, he will, in fact, pull the list out of his pocket and point to it saying, 'you're on my list' whereby you're expected to retreat. I have yet to see it in action, but a trusted source has. Seriously, where do I get me one 'o them lists?

And last but not least, we still have a faculty member on campus who refuses to have a computer. Yup, no computer. Even though she's been offered one and they'll pay for it for her, she refuses. She still types things on a typewriter.

I told you I was pretty vanilla.