WHMPC - The Carpenter

Reader's note: I started this blog post in October. I felt so blaze (that's blaz-eh but I can't find the freakin' accent on this damn laptop) about dating after this experience that I didn't even finish this post. It's that good.... ;o) So please keep in mind I started this on October 17!!!

A few weeks back, I got a message through that dating site from a guy who is a carpenter. I read through his profile and thought, 'hmm, why not' and decided to message him back. This turned into a few messages back and forth in which he was smart, articulate, and nice. He didn't seem to have the rugged blue-collar disposition I was expecting which was a bit surprising. Eventually messages turned to phone calls and we started chatting. We spent literally hours on the phone and while he had the occasional redneck moment, it was nothing in comparison to the redneck of a father I had nor family members. And considering there's a little hick in all us country raised kids, I found I could relate to him.

Eventually we decided we should meet (after about a week and a half of conversing). Sure enough, later that day my neighbour, the avid concert and live event fan, had a pair of 200 level tickets for the upcoming Saturday night game. I saw it as a perfect opportunity to go out with the Carpenter (who had never been to an NHL game incidentally) and not have the uncomfortable 'who pays' moments. I swear, that is the biggest lament I have with dating -who pays. I always feel awkward about letting someone pay for me but I'm slowly learning to get over it. And considering some of the dates I've had which I tell you, dear readers, were moments of pain for good blog fodder, that seems to be the least they could do to make up for those hours of my life I'll never get back.

But I digress...

Anyways, we agreed to meet at Kanata Centrum to drive over together in one car. When I pulled up beside his car and got out of mine, he had gotten out to give me a hello hug introduction - gone are the days of awkward hello's I guess. What took me aback was how much he physically resembled le ex. In our conversations, he had mentioned he was on the slim side but I think he'd even shame le ex and for those of you who knew the 'rolling pin' (I used to joke that he couldn't steam roll over me when we were in bed but instead it was a rolling pin), that's saying something. In fact, in hugging him, I actually felt his spine and all I have to say about that is...

EWWWWWWW

Anyways, we got in his Jeep and left my car. We drove to the game and I started to notice that his anxiety and nervousness got a little worrisome. He kept having little panic moments of 'so where should we park? Am I in the right lane? Where do you park when you come to games?' and on and on. I started to feel anxious myself and that's not a good scene - I get sweaty ;o) Anyways, when pulling up to the parking window he said he'd pay for parking and then commented on the fact that it was $11 to park and he figured that if he was paying that much, his car should get a wash.

Ahem - our tickets were....FREEEEEEEEE!!!

Anyways, once we found a spot and started to walk towards the building, I noticed that he was walking about 2-3 paces in front of me. Now, the game wasn't due to start for a good 20 minutes but he walked so far ahead of me that 1) I had to basically run to keep up (stupid people and their stupid long legs) and 2) couldn't actually talk to him he was so far ahead. Um, WTF?

Once we got inside and had out tickets scanned, his first words out of his mouth were 'I have to take a piss'. Um, okay, not exactly classy but I thought I'd let it slide - after all, we were in a hyper-masculin setting so maybe he lost himself for a moment??? Anyways, I waited and then he comes out of the washroom and says 'I gotta get something to eat, I'm starving'. Considering the game was to start at 7, I thought I'd just eat at home. Which is what I did. So we stood in line for him to get some chicken fingers and fries and a Coke Zero (this will come back later) and a $4 bottle of water for me. Yup, $4. On the way back to our seating area, he complained that for $8 he'd expect more food as he held up his chicken fingers. Might I add he didn't walk with me the whole time - always in the lead.

We eventually found our seats and he dug in. So, guess there'd be no conversation. He then finished up and took out his iPhone and started texting people. My thought process went something like this: 'WTF? I brought you here to text people?!?!?! Oh wait...hello...aren't you a cute guy sitting on my other side. Hopefully he thinks that texting jackass over here to my left isn't my date. Yes, I can see how this evening is going to go....'

Throughout the course of the game, he was just...anxious. And then he started popping gum. From the blister packs. If there's one thing that gets my hackles up, it's the blister packs and I've not been shy on previous dates from expressing this. Anyways, you would think, that like the Gum Guy, that he would have offered me one, right?

HELLS NO!

Throughout the course of the evening, he must have gone through a whole pack - I kid you not. He just kept popping them and not a one was offered to me. Then he commented that his Coke Zero had zero taste - I wanted to beat him by that point. And every little thing he had a comment on re. cost of the seats, location, people around him, blah blah blah. I tried to humour him at first but it felt more and more like I was on a date with my father who could be the same way re. nothing was ever good enough - had to have a criticism for everything. While I loved (love?) him dearly, after a while, you get tired of being around that kinda negativity, you know?

During the intermission between the 2nd and 3rd periods, he started chatting up the father with a young son beside me. Having recently (9 months or so) separated from his wife who had two kids from a previous marriage that he'd been raising for the last 8 years or so, he was sorely missing the 'family' feeling. So, I sat there, writing my blog post in my head - which, I'm glad I held off on it because at least now I can laugh about it, not steam over it ;o) As that intermission came to an end, cutie guy beside me and his buddy came back but buddy took the seat beside me and cutie said 'hey, that's my seat' and I thought to myself 'yeah, that's cutie's seat' but I kept my comment to myself because no matter how bad a date is, I'm not a douchette who would pick up another guy while on a date - that's just wrong and well, he was driving ;o)

On the way out, I decided to NOT try to race and keep up with him. Instead, I walked at my pace and eventually he got the hint and walked with me. He then commented the whole way back about the cost of things and asked if I had an idea of how much a beer would cost and that he wouldn't want to even start drinking if he couldn't afford a few beers. Right, one's not enough, right buddy? Ever hear of BINGE drinking?

Anyways, we finally were back in his Jeep on the way to Centrum. He was not at ALL aggressive in leaving the parking lot and in those situations, you kinda need to be so I was beginning to become annoyed with his doh-de-doh-doh-doh attitude re. business of the lot that was accompanied by his increasing agitation. Once we got on the street though, we had to take a street that ran parallel to the Queensway and I realized it would go up to Terry Fox. We had a great debate about going straight onto the highway or turn left on TF and go on the overpass over the highway and we'd be there. I finally won the overpass debate and sure enough, we ended up back at Centrum as I thought we would. He didn't seem overly impressed that my sense of navigation was stronger than his.

Once we got to my car, we said our pleasantries but no one kidded themselves that there would be a second date and I got out of his Jeep. By the time I even got into my car, he had left the parking lot. No waiting to see that I got in my car, that a boogie man wasn't in the back seat and about to urban legend kidnap me, NUTHIN'!

So I did what I do with all bad dates. I called a girlfriend, CBeau, and we went for drinks. There was no way in hell I was letting that experience be my last thoughts before lying my head on my pillow.

When I got home, I checked my online dating profile inbox and then surfed to see who was online and checking their mail. I didn't have any intentions of messaging people, it's just like an electronic storefront for people watching. And guess what I saw?

He had updated his profile with new pictures wearing what he had been wearing to the hockey game with me! Guess I left quite the impression.

Author's Note: This was the last internet date I went on. After this 'date', I hid my profile because I was just tired of the whole scene. After much cajoling, I've reopened my account in the last week. Let's just say this time around I'm not exactly expecting much. ;o)