Looking for a volunteer

I need a volunteer to educate me on what should be basic car owner knowledge.

I went to get gas today at the cheap place near JJ and J's house (I had to go feed the cats before I could put my poor sick butt to bed) and I noticed last time I was out there that the gas was cheaper than it is near my place - by almost 5 cents!

So I pulled into the gas station and thought, "hmmm, something doesn't look right here. Maybe because it's an Ultramar station and I normally go to Esso?" (Just wait, C, you haven't converted me to being an Ultramar fan yet.) I get out of the car with my bank card, and go to put it into the pump (I'm a pay at the pump kinda gal. The longer I can hide the fact that I'm just pretending to know what I'm doing when I pump gas from the rest of the world, the better. After all, I'm maybe up to 15 times that I've pumped - IN MY LIFE!)

But wait, there's no paying at this pump. Shit. This is an "old school" gas station. There's like levers to flip, etc. Being the prissy, neurotically-scared-to-death-to-pump-gas freak that I am impatiently sick person I was, I panicked made like I forgot something and got back in my car and drove down the street to a gas station that was newer where I could pay-at-the-pump.

Okay, now either stop with the eye rolling or stop laughing and pick yourself up off the floor because I need a volunteer who will one day go with me to show me how to pump gas at one of those stations. Here's the deal though, we have to pretend like you're doing me a favour because I'm driving so you're pumping gas and we'll casually talk at the pump while I observe. Don't worry, I'm a woman with an A-type personality - I can multitask and pull it off.

But no, I can't pump gas at an "old school" gas station.

p.s. when we're done there, think you could show me how to change a tire? I think I've got the whole windshield washer fluid thing figured out (although I've never done it, the guy at the dealership showed me that there's a label).